Satan A-Go-Go, Or There’ll Be Hell Toupee: Live Tweeting From The Hellmouth

Bring me the head of the 2016 Goat Rodeo  Image courtesy of Scissorhead Bluegal

Trump debate coach Roger Ailes kicks off our live coverage of the 2016 Goat Rodeo Debates!
Image courtesy of Scissorhead Bluegal


We’re live Tweeting from the Hellmouth!

You can tweet back to me from the Twatter-twitter thingie below. Just scroll under the comment and click in the box with the [-> :

Pro tip: Bloomberg TV will attempt to fact-check live. We’ll see how that goes.

About the drinking game: DO NOT DO THIS TONIGHT! Trump lies so incessantly that anyone taking a shot with each lie will be in the ER before the night is over, and 6-feet under before dawn.

That said, if Trump says “The Aristocrats” at the end of the debate, all warnings are null and void, and you can quaff and quaff deeply with me.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo | 19 Comments

Your Midday Palate Cleanser

If I were a dog, this would be the only way I’d play fetch.

Posted in dogs, Palate Cleansers | 3 Comments

Declaration of DEPENDENCE?

Get Off The Cross, Someone Else Needs The Wood

Lookout, Jeebus! The goalpost looks like a  crucifix!

Lookout, Jeebus! The goalpost looks like a crucifix!

So what has the Theocrats panties in a twist today? Could it be, oh, I dunno… FREEDOM?

And for those of you who don’t want to click the link in the vid, here’s the text of their declaration:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights. Since our Creator gave us these rights, we declare that no government has the right to take them away. Among these rights is the right to exercise our Christian beliefs as put forth in God’s Holy Bible.

We therefore declare that God grants life at conception and no one has the right to take that life unless it is a direct threat to the life of the mother.

Marriage was instituted by God between one man and one woman. The Lord gave only this family unit the responsibility to have children and raise them in the fear of the Lord.

We therefore respectfully reserve the right to refuse any mandate by the government that forces us to fund or support abortion. We also oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion prohibited by Holy Scripture.

We proclaim that Jesus has provided the cure for all sin and therefore reach out to the sinner in love, but do not embrace the sin, knowing its destructive nature.

Therefore, we, the undersigned—not only as Christians but also believing we have the constitutional rights as Americans to follow these time honored Christian beliefs—commit to conducting our churches, ministries, businesses, and personal lives in accordance with our Christian faith and choose to obey God rather than man.

It’s really brave of them the signers to vow to “refuse any mandate by the government that forces us to fund or support abortion” and to “oppose same-sex marriage, polygamy, bestiality, and all other forms of sexual perversion prohibited by Holy Scripture,” considering that there is no mandate that would force them to do any of these things.

And the breath-taking irony is in the next breath they declare that they have the right to force their beliefs on everyone else. There’s something about that wall separating church and state that they never understand: it protects the religious as well as the secular. They don’t need another stupid declaration, we already got them covered.

Oh, in case anyone is wondering who Andrew Wommack is, he runs a Bible College in Colorado, and one could consider him to be the employer of Xristian Xrazie constitutional scholar and historical fabulist David Barton.

Posted in Andrew Wommack, Get Off The Cross, Theocrats, Xristian Xraxies | 12 Comments

Mike ‘Fat Termite’ Pence Speaks!

Governor Mike Pence signs Indiana's We Don't Serve Your Kind into law with the approving gaze of Indiana's various mullahs, clerics, and militia tribesmen.

Governor Mike Pence signs Indiana’s We Don’t Serve Your Kind into law with the approving gaze of Indiana’s various mullahs, clerics, and militia tribesmen.


Remember, The Wooden One is debating Tim Kaine in the final debate of the election, so Pence might have a vested interest in not being forthcoming (lying to you and me) about how he turned Indiana into a Xristian petri dish for Y’all Qaeda’s hopes and fever dreams and destroyed that state’s economy and reputation.

But I’m only guessing.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Mike 'Fat Termite' Pence | 2 Comments

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Kellyann?

They say in time you end up with the face you deserve.

They say in time you end up with the face you deserve.

Well, this will endear you to the media, Kellyann Conway:

“Look at the Twitter feeds of ‘objective reporters’, particularly our embeds. These are not profiles in courage and this is not journalism. There are people who cover our campaign who actually just slander our candidate… I have them on my desk. We printed them all out… Why are they on our campaign plane? Why are they covering our campaign if they can’t say ‘hey, look at this crowd of… look at the RSVPs of 32,000 people in Fort Myers, Florida, and the place only held 8,500. Hey look at the rise in the polls… excuse the Trump campaign if we feel we can’t get a fair shake from certain people.”

It’s called “fact checking,” it’s alleged to be part of something called “journalism.” What you want from them is called “Marketing.”

There’s a difference.

Also/too: the media flies on a different plane than Hair Furer. So you lied.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 9 Comments

Preach, Brother Olbermann, Preach!

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | Leave a comment

Ayatollah Ted, Man of Principles

Z is for Zodiac, a letter in Cruz' name!

Z is for Zodiac, a letter in Cruz’ name!

From Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!):

It took Ted Cruz four months and three weeks of “careful consideration, of prayer and searching my own conscience” to declare publicly that he would vote for Donald Trump.

…and Reince Priebus saying publicly that the RNC would blacklist any of the Republican 2016 Goat Rodeo candidates who didn’t come around…

Just six weeks after he dropped out – and more than a month before Cruz would dramatically snub the nominee at the Republican National Convention – the senator quietly began renting his vast donor email file to his former rival, pocketing at least tens of thousands of dollars, and more likely hundreds of thousands, that can be used to bankroll the Texan’s own political future.

So the Elmer Gantry wannabe grifted the vulgar talking yam? How many ameros?

The exact details of Trump’s financial arrangement with Cruz are unclear, and loose federal record-keeping makes it impossible to verify. But an email rate sheet obtained by POLITICO shows that Cruz asks campaigns to pay more than $22,000 for the right to send a single email his list of 280,000 digital donors. He charges more than $51,000 to ping his full email file of 1.28 million supporters. Because Trump has rented Cruz’s list so often, he is almost surely receiving a negotiated discount from the list price, industry veterans say.

“You are just a send away from reaching the most engaged and generous supporters in Republican presidential primary history,” the Cruz rate sheet says. More than $20 million was raised from Cruz’s email list, it says.

Spamming is big bidness! But more importantly, once again Cruz’ highly over-valued principle is to do whatever benefits Ted Cruz. So he made a small fortune selling out his acolytes, toadies and minions before he “gave in” to pressure (God, I cracked up writing that) from obvious anagram Reince Priebus.

Oh, if you want to know the dollar amount that Ayatollah got out of Hair Furer?

Since he exited the presidential race in May, Cruz’s campaign committee has reported a total of roughly $290,000 in list rental income, Federal Election Commission records show. Trump’s campaign directly rented Cruz’s list five times in June and since early July his joint fundraising committee with the Republican National Committee — which gives 80 percent of its proceeds to Trump — has rented the Cruz’s list more than 25 times.

A lack of principles is a good dollar.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Ayatollah Ted Cruz, Hair Furer, Donald Trump, Y'all Qaeda | 3 Comments

The Morning of the Debate Quotes

The Debating Styles of Hair Furer Donald Trump?

The Debating Styles of Hair Furer Donald Trump?

Good Morning:

  • Only 43 days until the exciting conclusion of the 2016 Goat Rodeo.
  • Tonight is the first of three debates.
  • The Death of the Media
  • Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) wins the morning and breaks my will to live:

    While on-screen fact-checking could help expose inaccurate or misleading assertions without interrupting the flow of the debate, nearly all of the major cable or broadcast networks, including Univision and Telemundo, said that they would not use any sort on screen fact check or graphics.

    Network spokespeople said the on-screen fact checks would need to be nearly instantaneous to correlate with the answer the candidate is giving, leading to some high editorial and technical hurdles. Only NBC, Holt’s home network, did not respond to multiple requests for comment.

    Our morning quote is brought to us by the WaPo:

    Janet H. Brown, the executive director of the Commission on Presidential Debates, seemed to side with the Republican nominee, saying in a television interview that ‘it’s not a good idea to get the moderator into essentially serving as the Encyclopaedia Britannica.’ She added, however, that ultimately it will be up to Monday’s moderator, Lester Holt of NBC News, to do the job as he sees fit.”

I would suggest a drinking game, but I don’t think we need that kind of encouragement.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo | 5 Comments

Bad Headlines, Cont.

The Death of the Media

douthat

Amazing that they put a teaser like that for Monsignor Ross Douthat, apostolic nuncio to 42nd Street (Hat tip: Yastreblyansky) on the front page, non? Perhaps a simple socket wrench to l’il Russ’ cilice would have sufficed, NYTimes?

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Death of the Media, Hillary Clinton, media, NY Times, Ross Douthat | 1 Comment

Chuck Todd: benghazi! Benghazi! BENGHAZI!!1!

Jeebus, you miserable, weak-chinned pea-brain, you really want to go there?

How many thousands of hours of testimony and millions of dollars needs to be spent before Republican hacks (like you, Chuck Todd) will ever acknowledge that there was no b-B-B crime or cover-up? And you just legitimized it, again!

(Full disclosure: I went to high school with late Ambassador Stevens, we knew each other and hung out in the same circle of friends.

Full disclosure 2: I am still blocked by Chuch Todd on Twitter, which is probably my greatest achievement as a foul-mouthed, vituperative blogger of the Left.)

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo | 10 Comments