The Morning Quote

phonesHuman bowling jacket Maine Governor Paul LePage (thanks Charlie!) left a voice mail to Democratic State Rep. Drew Gattine:

“Mr. Gattine, this is Gov. Paul Richard LePage,” the audio recording says. “I would like to talk to you about your comments about my being a racist, you (obscene term). I want to talk to you. I want you to prove that I’m a racist. I’ve spent my life helping black people and you little (obscene term), socialist (obscene term). You — I need you to — just friggin’. I want you to record this and make it public because I am after you. Thank you.”

Posted in In their own words, Quote | 8 Comments

Reince Priebus Pours Another Shot of Wheaties, Part Infinity

"I love it when a plan comes together!"

“I love it when a plan comes together!”


RNC Chairman with a liver of steel pours himself another shot of his breakfast of champions:

“I’ll wait and see what Donald Trump ultimately decides, I’m not convinced he’s comfortable with the idea of trying to deport 12 million people,” Priebus said. “It’s not a practical place to be and I don’t necessarily think he was there.”

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump | 6 Comments

Bad Signs, Cont.

The MPS Salute to Our Students, Cont.!

Back to School 8

Shocked silence ensues.

Posted in Bad Signs | 6 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Erik Rush, the happy culture warrior, writes some interesting BOTH SIDES fanfic at World Nut Daily:

…This got me to thinking that it would be wonderful if reality represented to our senses a truly objective view of what people – in this case, political candidates – were like, as opposed to their carefully crafted, subjective physical representations.

Oh, dear.

For example: Say a guy named Donald Trump ran for president and he was giving a campaign speech. To our voter, Trump might appear as a carny barker, with a loud overcoat, huge bow tie and top hat. He would be loud too, and his verbiage might occasionally be clumsy or even insulting.

Please continue. Your words fascinate me.

While this appearance might be something of a distraction, voters would still be allowed to evaluate his message despite the stereotypical visage. Ironically, however, it wouldn’t give voters any more insight to Trump’s integrity than they have now, or than they have concerning any candidate. Just like a traditional carny barker, what a candidate says sounds good, but will the attraction be all that they’ve promised? Trump comes across in this manner anyway; even his proponents admit that he’s loud, sometimes boorish,and trips on his tongue with regularity.

Uh-huh.

That said, the carny barker does not always stretch the truth, and sometimes, the attraction is well worthwhile.

If, you know, the two-headed baby is really what you wanted to see? Sure. Why not.

Say, what about the other candidate? I mean if Trump is the Carny Barker, what is Clinton? Please extend your metaphor, I can hardly wait to find out the Both Sides objective reality you are so clearly itching to present!

In this alternative reality scenario, Hillary Clinton would be a completely different story. Objective reality would probably represent her appearance as an amorphous, grayish-green entity with only occasional glimpses of her leering face and trendy designer apparel peeking through the goo. Festering boils, sores and other lesions would populate a shifting, gelatinous corpulence. Groups of diseased genitalia and excretory organs might form in random areas on her glistening skin, migrating across its surface and occasionally engaging each other in horrid fashion. Even to the non-religious person, her appearance would be truly evocative of a creature from hell, a vision to make even the late H.R. Giger cringe.

So, there you have it! Trump’s a freak-show barker, but Clinton is the freak? Got it.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, media | 9 Comments

But Is He Bitter?

Building A Better Theocrat

Building A Better Theocrat

…You bet your sweet bippy that  fetus-fondling, Gawd-botherer Rev. Paul Blair who lost his primary run-off is bitter:

In a normal world, you would think that a hometown boy who went on to play professional football, built a three decade successful hometown business and successfully pastored a hometown church for 15 years would be a popular candidate. When you add to the professional resume a 27 year marriage with no scandals, divorce or DUI’s, plus, being a nationally recognized speaker on the subjects of the Constitution and the founder’s principles of government – you would think that man would be well prepared for office. Add to that the support of Senator Coburn, Senator Cruz, Congressman Russell, Congressman Bridenstine and host of national Conservative Christian champions, plus the support of local community leaders – you would think that candidate might bring home 90% of the vote in the “reddest state” in the union. But our world has changed.

Not to worry, folks: he fully intends to thrust his agenda on the people of Oklahoma, regardless. He’s a giver.

Posted in Xristian Xraxies, Y'all Qaeda | 9 Comments

Midday Palate Cleanser

Triumph the Insult Comic Dog presents…

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Bluegal)

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump, Palate Cleansers | 7 Comments

Your Kind Cannot Pee Here, Cont.

Your Kind Cannot Pee Here

Your Kind Cannot Pee Here

The good people of North Carolina have had it with the junk-obsessed gawd-botherer Gov. Pat McCrory!

A majority of voters (55%) disapprove of HB2 compared to fewer than 4-in-10 (36%) who approve of HB2. Among voters who approve of the law, 74% are backing McCrory in the governor’s race. Among those who disapprove of it, 72% are voting for Cooper.

“McCrory is trying to take control of the HB2 debate with a new TV ad. As of right now, though, North Carolina voters feel it has hurt the state, which is helping Cooper’s bid to unseat the incumbent,” said [Patrick Murray, director of the independent Monmouth University Polling Institute.].

The Monmouth University Poll found that 7-in-10 voters (70%) feel the passage of HB2 has been bad for North Carolina’s reputation nationally. Only 9% say it has been good for the state’s image and just 14% say it has had no impact. Even among those who approve of the law itself, 41% say HB2 has been bad for the state’s reputation compared to 21% who say it has been good and 28% who say it has had no impact.

I hope that NC intends to vote out their Republican legislature. McCrory might have instigated this travesty, but they gladly went along with it. This is what happens when you put theocrats in charge, we learn this lesson again and again.

Posted in Homophobia, marriage equality, Theocrats, transphobia, Y'all Qaeda, Your Kinda Cannot Pee Here | 5 Comments

One Lump of Stupid or Two, Katrina Pierson?

The Pivot Continues!

We imagine Kellyanne Conway is reaching for the Cap’n Crunch and Bailey’s.

“[Hair furer Donald Trump] hasn’t changed his position on immigration, he has changed the words that he is saying.”

Posted in snark | 5 Comments

Good Morning, Ann Coulter!

You know why drag queens like big glasses?

You know why drag queens like big glasses?

Elsa, She-Wolf of the Nazis Ann Coulter is miffed, I tell you, miffed that Hair Furer is softening his stance of putting 11 million people in boxcars.

Speaking to Fox News’ Sean Hannity in a town hall event broadcast Wednesday night, Trump floated multiple ideas for the audience’s reaction, including one in which undocumented immigrants would pay “back taxes” but added, “there’s no amnesty, but we work with them.” Trump recounted meeting with “very strong people” who have told him “it’s so tough” to throw out people who have been in the country for 15 to 20 years.

“It’s a very, very hard thing,” Trump conceded.

Anyway, she was tweeting like a demon from her book signing thingy at the Breitbart Embassy in DC, and this was my favorite one:

We note that someone who actually opened her newest screed up had this to say:

…so in essence, her book is already remaindered before her book launch party was over.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Hair Furer, Donald Trump, immigration, Islamophobia | 12 Comments

Bad Signs, Cont.

MPS Salutes Back to School Week

Back to School 7 (Bad Signs)

I hope it is a driving school? Maybe?

Posted in Bad Signs | 6 Comments