Midday Palate Cleanser

The Truth is out there… birds are jerks.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Purplehead)

Posted in Birds Are Jerks, Palate Cleansers | 9 Comments

GOP Sets Breath-Taking New Record…

More exciting news from Trump HQs!

… in embarrassing brown-nosing:

I hope someone sent this to DC Comics.There’s got to be some infringement going on there, if not out and out defamation.

Posted in snark | 9 Comments

Stable Genius Considers Testifying, Opinions Vary

Our Stable Genius

The Russian Usurper said that he would “strongly considertestifying in writing as part of his own impeachment inquiry.

Be prepared for a SHOCK, gentle readers!

Yesterday, the general counsel for the House of Representatives said:

 “There is evidence, very sadly, that the president might have provided untruthful answers…Did the president lie? Was the president not truthful in his responses to the Mueller investigation? The House is trying to determine whether the current president should remain in office. This is unbelievably serious and it’s happening right now, very fast.”

We note, dryly, that an entire industry has sprung forth –like Venus on the Half Shell–devoted to nothing but fact-checking our Stable Genius. Entire careers in the media are being minted (like Anderson Cooper, who found fame and fortune standing in the wind) notable only for fact-checking this moron who has [checks notes] told 13,435 “falsehoods” lies between January 20, 2017, and October 9, 2019.

So, you know, what’s another impeachable offense between friends?

Also/too: the media continues to fall into his yap trap. What this known liar says is not news. What is news is what actions he takes. It’s the Molly Ivins rule.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, ITMFA, Quid Meets Quo Goes Pro (Ukraine) | 4 Comments

It’s Showtime!

A new poll from ABC News and Ipsos shows that the hearings haven’t hurt and probably helped build support for impeachment: 70 percent of Americans say Trump was wrong to pressure Ukraine, and 51 percent think he should be removed from office. 58 percent say they’re following the hearings very or somewhat closely.

Today’s must-see TeeVee will probably be the first two witnesses in the morning. Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman and Jennifer Williams will testify that both national security aides both listened in to Prznint Stupid’s July 25 phone call with Ukrainian president Zelensky — and both told investigators that it was far from “perfect.”

Democrats say that they provide critical, first-hand accounts of the call, which is at the center of the impeachment probe, and brings the inquiry to Fat Nixon more than ever before.

Of course, Republicans will try to undermine their testimony, disparaging them both as “Never Trumpers.”

So here’s the sucker bet: Will Republicans be careful about trashing a decorated war veteran, and will they be willing to trash yet another women on national teevee. Haha, I jest: of course they will.

A quick behind the scenes note about Vindman, per the Wall Street Journal:

The U.S. Army is prepared to move Col. Vindman and his family onto a military base in the area to ensure their safety if it is determined that they are in physical danger, according to U.S. officials.

Army security officials in recent weeks conducted a security assessment at Col. Vindman’s request, reviewing both his and his family’s physical security and their online security, according to U.S. officials.

And this should tell you everything about the patriotic, flag-loving, support-our-troops GOP.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, ITMFA, Quid Meets Quo Goes Pro (Ukraine) | 2 Comments

Great Plates, and Bumper Stickers, Cont.

They should hand these out at Parent-Teacher nights along with all the humble brag stickers.

Posted in Great Plates and Bumper Stickers | 4 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

I bet you’ll never guess that such a positive and affirming message for transpeople could possibly get the Xristians upset, amiright?!

Anyway, David Lane, who is the founder of American Renewal Project, is very, Very, VERY upset:

The abandonment of the public square by those holding to the Judeo-Christian faith has enabled secularism’s enchanters and warlocks to impose pagan values on the American culture over the last 100 years.

Warlocks? You mean like Uncle Arthur?

In large part the debasement of the mores and manners is the consequence of increasing secular control and misuse of the cultural levers of influence—for example, education, academia, mass media, courts, Big Business, Fortune 500, Hollywood and others. Christian spirituality and the sacred are invariably belittled, whereas sin is consistently exalted and normalized over every communication medium by corporate America’s advertising dollars.

Oh, dear. Maybe what is being belittled is yourself, you know, when you try to gin up witches and warlocks to dehumanize your fellow mankind and to rile up the orcs and minions to attack.

Sprite’s latest commercial glamorizes and idealizes transgender people—those who are troubled with the psychological difficulties of gender dysphoria. (To watch the Sprite commercial, go to youtube.com and search for “Pride – Sprite.”) [Ed. Note: He won’t deign to link to it hisself? Jeebus, what a sanctimonious scold. –TG]

It might not be so surprising since the word “sprite” denotes an enchanter, goblin or demon.

You did it again.

Look we can stop right here, of course Lane is othering an already marginalized people and calling for a boycott of Sprite (and all of Coca-Cola’s products) unless they stop affirming all people. He seems to be under the impression that the Constitution only applies to Xristians (really, he says that, taking a quote from John Adams out of context), and you know, one could never be both trans and a Xristian, so therefore, no civil rights for you.

Posted in Family Values, Homophobia, Transphobia, We Don't Serve Your Kind, Xristian Xraxies, Your Kind Cannot Pee Here | 10 Comments

Death and Taxes, part infinity

The Honorable Justice Kavanaugh

The Supreme Court on Monday issued an administrative stay blocking House Democrats’ subpoena for President Trump’s tax returns until both sides can file the necessary legal papers.

“Party at Squi’s,” the Virgin Mayor of Keg City was not hear shouting through the court, “I’m flying if the boss is buying. Anyone got an opener?,” he did not add.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Tax Cheat | 5 Comments

Midday Palate Cleanser

Every young buck has bragged that he’s done this with his hot girlfriend from Canada.

(Hat tip: Scissorhead Purplehead)

Posted in 2-drink minimum, MPS After Dark (NSFW), Palate Cleansers | 8 Comments

Pop Quiz!

¡SNAP!

Prznint Stupid spent more than two hours at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center on Saturday for what the White House said were medical tests as part of his annual physical, but no one has released any details and of course, oddly, the Orange Menace made no public appearances (golf) so it has fueled speculation.

OK, Scissorheads, the day you have longed for: you get to play doctor!!!

For an entire 2/17ths of 1/7 of a point towards your midterm paper: tell us what your diagnosis is and prescribe a treatment for Prznint Stupid.

Oh, don’t forget to get the co-pay in cash. Dude is a grifter.

 

Posted in Pop Quiz! | 36 Comments

Weaponized Pelosi is the Best Pelosi

Weaponized Pelosi
(Stolen without shame from the much-missed Zaius Nation)

Speaker Pelosi on CBS’ Face the Nation, said that she has no idea when the House will wrap up its impeachment probe, which means that the #ITMFA could spill into 2020 Goat Rodeo.

“It is self-evident that we have open hearings for the next week. I don’t know if there are any beyond that. And then when we come back [from Thanksgiving], maybe a decision or maybe they have more hearings.”

Pelosi also would not guess about the articles of impeachment that Democrats would bring against Trump, and she dodged a question about whether the president’s mid-hearing Twitter attack on Yovanovitch amounted to witness intimidation:

“I haven’t had a lot of time to pay attention to the president’s tweets and the legal implications of them. I just think that was totally wrong and inappropriate and typical of the president.”

OK, Pelosi won’t speculate wildly, but we will!

An impeachment trial in 2020 could really eff-up the Republicans.

It’s too late for any new candidates to file to run, so do they just punt to Pence (whom we have speculated is now deep in the merde hisself)? And what about all those Republican Senators who wake up each morning and see a future prznint in the bathroom mirror starring back? Are they gonna take THAT lying down, or lying everywhere as is their custom?

What if a plurality of Americans in 202o end up thinking that Comrade Stupid is a shake-down artist, and the GOP Senate votes to exonerate him anyway, could the whole 2020 Goat Rodeo and all the down-ticket races be thrown into the Dems hands? I think you could make an argument that something like that could happen.

So no, Pelosi won’t speculate, but I bet she’s smiling.

Posted in Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, ITMFA, Nancy Pelosi, Quid Meets Quo Goes Pro (Ukraine) | 2 Comments