Just Sayin’

(H/T Scissorhead Dennis Cole)

We could see a run on guillotines, which is OK by me. I gotta list.

Posted in Pandemics, Scissorheads Rule | 7 Comments

News From LA

Louisiana is experiencing the fastest growth of new coronavirus cases in the world.

LA had over 2,300 cases as of yesterday, and New Orleans alone had 997—higher than the total case count in all but 13 states. Hospitals are already overwhelmed, and critical supplies are running low. And as we know, Lord Damp Nut is not invoking the Defense Production Act because someone, somewhere needs to make a buck off of it. We have our suspicions:

(H/T: Scissorhead Purplehead)

Prepare yourselves for a shock, Gentle Readers: medical experts say that Mardis Gras accelerated the spread. Mayor LaToya Cantrell says that she would have cancelled the celebration if Lord Damp Nut had warned them.

Claiming that there were no “red flags” in February about Mardi Gras, she added: “In hindsight, if we were given clear direction, we would not have had Mardi Gras, and I would have been the leader to cancel it.”

Uh-huh. Amazed she was not struck with lightning for that one. New Orleans makes a lot of money off of Mardi Gras tourism. Cantrell did cancel St. Patrick’s Day celebrations there, but no one paid attention.

Gov. John Bel Edwards (D-LA) has issued a stay-at-home order, and requested a federal emergency declaration. In that request, Edwards said that projected hospitalization will exceed Louisiana’s capacity by April 4.

So, of course some Red Hat preacher is ordering his flock to defy isolation and come to Jeebus:

“The virus, we believe, is politically motivated,” Tony Spell said. “We hold our religious rights dear and we are going to assemble no matter what someone says.”

So pretty much everything in the Crazee State of Louisiana is running per usual.


Posted in Crazeee States, Lord Damp Nut, The Russian Usurper, Louisiana, Pandemics | 7 Comments


The Dumb one and even the Dumber One looks like they heard air whistling through Petunia’s, er, Ainsley Earhardt’s ears.

Posted in Fox News, People Dumber than Dolphins, Petunia and Pals | 6 Comments

What Could Go Wrong?

Old McStupid had a farm… “With a grift-grift here, and a grift-grift there…”

Tiger Beat on the Potomac (thanks Charlie!) tells us that the Agriculture Department announced that it is easing requirements to obtain H-2A and H-2B visas after lobbying from farm groups:

H-2A SYSTEM GETS REPRIEVE: USDA announced late Thursday that the State Department and the Department of Homeland Security have agreed to waive in-person interview requirements for H-2A and H-2B visa applicants.

The lobbying effort: U.S. embassies and consulates in Mexico closed effective March 18 because of the growing pandemic. That prompted Farm Bureau President Zippy Duvall to urge the Trump administration to find “practical ways” to admit farm laborers under emergency visas.

Perdue had been in discussions with the other departments on the issue. The temporary change “streamlines the application process and helps provide steady labor for the agriculture sector during this time of uncertainty,” Perdue said in a statement.

Earlier on Thursday, a bipartisan, bicameral group of lawmakers wrote to the Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to ask for flexibility in the visa process.

Demand for H-2A visas, reserved for agricultural labor, jumped 11 percent last year; H-2B visas, for non-agricultural temporary workers, is capped by Congress at 66,000.

This comes as Mexican President Manuel López Obrador is Trumpianly (is too a wurd!) ignoring the pandemic and urging people to go about their lives.

Posted in 4th Reich, Lord Damp Nut, The Russian Usurper, Pandemics | 1 Comment

The Miracle of the Trump Economy

We’re All You’re Fired’ed

What is alleged to be the most read real estate in all journalism is used to show us the new unemployment numbers. 3.3 million Americans applied for unemployment last week — almost five times the record-holding number in 1982.

Perversely, the stock market had another strong day, with the Dow Jones climbing 1,300 points, and setting Wall Street up for its best week in nearly a century. As of yesterday, the U.S. had the most known COVID-19 cases of any country in the world, with a death count of more than 1,000. Hospitals are desperate for basic supplies like ventilators, masks, personal protective equipment, and beds.

The fat cats love them some firing of the minions, and apparently are chanting “We’re #1” for us taking the lead in COVID-19 infections. The future prospects of disposing of COVID-19 dead are looking boffo. True patriots them bankers are.

And speaking of boffo sales, Gov. Cuomo tells us that face masks normally costing 58 cents each are now being quoted by sellers for $7.50, while latex gloves are going for triple their normal price and portable X-ray machines are going for as much as 20 times their pre-crisis cost.

No wonder the stock market is surging. The crooks are looting and profiteering during a crisis. And Lord Damp Nut still is not invoking the Defense Production Act, the White House has claimed it’s getting everything it needs “without putting the heavy hand of government down.”

Posted in Bankster Bastards, Bastards, Billionaire Bastards, blood sucking leeches, CEO Bastards, The Miracle of the Trump Economy | 7 Comments

Please Don’t Send This Ad Around, It Makes Prznint Stupid Sad

And yes, Lord Damp Nut’s campaign has sent cease-and-desist orders, so, you know, please, Please, PLEASE don’t share with everyone in your contacts list, and gosh, don’t post it to Faceberg or retweet it.

Thank you.

Posted in 2020 Goat Rodeo, Lord Damp Nut, The Russian Usurper, Pandemics | 8 Comments

Great Plates and Bumper Stickers, cont.

Oops, I goofed and didn’t track who sent it in! Please take a bow in the comments!

Posted in Great Plates and Bumper Stickers | 1 Comment

Local Sociopath Tries To Comfort Small Business Owners

Seething Rage.
(image courtesy Scissorhead MonkeyFister)

You cannot make up shit like this:

Posted in snark | 7 Comments

News That Will Drive You to Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

There’s a lot of nutty goodness to unpack in that screed from Pizzagate’s own Ann Vandersteel, formerly of the Trump Campaign; but I especially enjoyed the hostage tape-look on her guest’s face. It takes this rant from just the usual nutjobbery to full-on art: it’s bananas.

Posted in Ann Vandersteel, Conspiracy Theorists | 4 Comments

We’re #1 COVID-19 Viruses! I’m Tired Of All This Winning!

Stable Jenius Prznint Stupid
(Credit: @MemphisJohnny1)

Axios tells us that…

The Unites States on Thursday reported the most coronavirus cases in the world for the first time, over China and Italy with at least 82,404 infections and more than 1,000 deaths, according to data from Johns Hopkins.

Why it matters: From the beginning, the U.S. — with a population of more than 325 million — has repeatedly underestimated and reacted slowly to the coronavirus, prolonging its economic pain and multiplying its toll on Americans’ health.

First, it happened with testing — a delay that allowed the virus to spread undetected, Axios’ Caitlin Owens reports.

  • Then we were caught flat-footed by the surge in demand for medical supplies in emerging hotspots.
  • And the Trump administration declined to issue a national shelter-in-place order. The resulting patchwork across the country left enough economic hubs closed to crash the economy, but enough places up and running to allow the virus to continue to spread rampantly.

What they’re saying: At a press conference Thursday, President Trump attributed the U.S. overtaking China to ramped up testing, before casting doubt on whether the Chinese government is reporting accurate numbers.

  • It is possible that China, which was the site of the original coronavirus outbreak, has been underreporting its cases.
  • The Chinese government covered up the outbreak in its first few weeks, likely allowing the virus to spread both domestically and throughout the rest of the world.

Flashback: Exactly one month ago on Feb. 25, President Trump said at a coronavirus press briefing that the U.S. has 15 reported cases and that “the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero.”

We’re totally eff’ed in the dark.

Everyone within the sound of my voice (come’on, work with me here, you pedants!): stay socially distanced. Do NOT listen to Lord Damp Nut. Turn off the teevee set if you see him on. He is dangerous to us, our health, and our country.

Posted in Pandemics | 17 Comments