This Exists

WANT. (of course I would need a garden…)

(Available on Etsy.)

Posted in snark | 8 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Don't call me babycakes unless you mean it.

Don’t call me babycakes unless you mean it.

With all the attention going to the new You Cannot Pee Here law in the state of North Carolina yesterday, noted termite-infested political genius Gov. Mike Pence thought that this was the perfect time to sign into law new abortion restrictions in Indiana!

Gov. Mike Pence made Indiana the second state in the nation to ban abortions sought because the fetus has a disability, signing into law Thursday an expansion of the state’s already restrictive abortion laws.

“By enacting this legislation, we take an important step in protecting the unborn, while still providing an exception for the life of the mother. I sign this legislation with a prayer that God would continue to bless these precious children, mothers and families,” Pence said in a statement.

The abortion bill signing comes just two days before the one-year anniversary of his private signing of Indiana’s Religious Freedom Restoration Act. That religious objections’ measure set off a national firestorm over concerns it would allow discrimination against gay and transgender Hoosiers.

So he celebrated a year since he single-handedly destroyed his state’s economy by taking another swing at the prize? Eat a bag of dicks and then INTO THE SEA WITH YOU!

So not only will the women of Indiana have to carry their rapist babies to term, but if the child’s birth defect means it lives for only an hour, so be it. Or that the rapist’s baby needs around-the-clock care for the rest of its life for whatever reason, the rape victim will have to bear the burden.

But you know, Pence prayed, so that makes it all good. Pence is using the law to tell the women of his state that they are essentially breeding stock for any man.

Posted in Mansplaining, Mike 'Fat Termite' Pence, sexism, War on Women, Y'all Qaeda | 11 Comments

The Afternoon Quote: DIGNITUDE!

It's a turd, er, bird! It's a plane....

It’s a turd, er, bird! It’s a plane….

“It is a story that quoted one source on the record: Roger Stone, Donald Trump’s chief political adviser,” said Cruz. “It is attacking my family. And what is striking is Donald’s henchman, Roger Stone, had for months been foreshadowing that this attack was coming. It’s not surprising that Donald’s tweet occurs the day before the attack comes out. And I would note that Mr. Stone is a man who has 50 years of dirty tricks behind him. He’s a man for whom a term was coined for copulating with a rodent. Well, let me be clear: Donald Trump may be a rat, but I have no desire to copulate with him.

I guess he’s too tired from the five or so mistresses? Come’on Ted, give Trump the ol’ Bay of Pig.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Ayatollah Ted Cruz | 9 Comments

He Seems Nice, Part Infinity

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

Hey you guy, it’s been a long while since we checked in with our old pal Rev. Fishsticks. Let’s see what he’s been up to!

What’s that you say, Fishsticks? It’s Time to De-Islamize America

How do we de-Islamize America? While it’s not easy (because of politically correct hysteria) it’s simple. It must include three steps.

  1. Immediately suspend Islamic immigration
  2. No more mosques
  3. No more Muslims in the military

Oh, Dear.

I’m pretty sure that these things would be difficult to do, and number 2 seems patently unconstitutional. Fishsticks says “if we use the Constitution given to us by the Founders and not the one mangled by the courts,” we can do this. How so?

Fishsticks tells us that the First Amendment’s establishment clause does not apply to the states. Well that’s news to me.

He continues: [the states] “have unilateral authority to regulate religious expression within their borders.”

Oh, so if Maryland wanted, it could make it only legal for Catholics to worship? Sorry, Protestants: you’re not welcome here. Or Texas’ Baptists could finally get rid of the Methodists? The Amish could lock-down Pennsylvania? And I guess the Quakers are out of luck everywhere. Again.

Fishsticks has some unique understanding of the Constitution, and he bends it to whichever way his dark mind goes, but this one is pretty damn stupid

Posted in Bryan Fischer, Islamophobia, Theocrats | 6 Comments

Today in Rat-Eff’ing – UPDATED

Rat-eff'ing today

Rat-eff’ing today

Earlier this week, you may recall this happened:

And then Vulgarmort tweeted this:

And then today the National Inquirer blasts: SHOCKING CLAIMS: Pervy Ted Cruz Caught Cheating — With 5 Secret Mistresses!

But here’s the thing: The Inquirer sometimes gets these things before anyone else does (does the name John Edwards ring a bell? What about Monica Lewinsky? Rush Limbaugh and his pain killer addiction?), and they do seem to know where all the low roads lead.

I’m not saying that Ayatollah Ted is a philanderer (Jeebus, imagine waking up next to that backpfeifengesicht face, even for money let alone love), but as the Republicans say, “it’s out there.”

My guess of course is that there is a rat that is well and truly eff’ed. That headline will be at many grocery check-out lines for a week. That will make an impression no matter what.

UPDATE: As Other, Better bloggers have noted, Trump has long and deep ties to The National Inquirer.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Ayatollah Ted Cruz, Rat-Effing | 12 Comments

The Morning Quote – UPDATED: McRory is the Pence?

Jeebus weeps

Jeebus weeps

“Standing with North Carolina parents who are worried about the privacy and safety of their children will always be a top priority for the governor, no matter the spin by the media, pundits or politically correct crowd.”

–North Carolina Gov. Pat McCrory, responding to protests from citizens of his state following the signing of the bill that rescinds all local non-discrimination laws.

Various corporations and public entities are starting to weigh in, including IBM, American Airlines, Apple, Bank of America, Lowe’s, PayPal, Duke University, and the NCAA.

UPDATES:

Posted in Homophobia, marriage equality, transphobia, We Don't Serve Your Kind, Your Kinda Cannot Pee Here | 9 Comments

RIP, Garry Shandling

Comic Garry Shandling has gone on to the two-drink minimum in the sky. No cause of death was given. Shandling was only 66, which is way to young.

It’s probably not an overstatement to say that Shandling was one of the early successes at HBO original programming. His shows (“It’s Garry Shandling’s Show” and the very inventive “The Larry Sanders Show”) won critical acclaim and scored many Emmies.

Not bad for a guy who started off writing for Welcome Back, Kotter.

Thanks for all the laughs, Garry. You will be missed.

Posted in Dead Celebrities | 7 Comments

One Lump of Stupid or Two, GOP?

The fever dreams of the GOP

The fever dreams of the GOP

Good morning Scissorheads! Isn’t it great to be alive?
You want proof? OK!

Gallup: Republicans Sour on Way Election Process Is Working

Hey, they built it, it can’t be that bad, right?

Story Highlights

  • 30% in U.S. say election process is working, down from 37% in January
  • Republicans’ views have soured most — down from 46% to 30%
  • Most Americans still say there is at least one good candidate running

…and I’m guessing that the one good candidate isn’t theirs! It’s like the more Republicans get to know Vulgarmort and backpfeifengesicht Ayatollah Ted, the more they hate them.

And then there’s this bit of news:

WASHINGTON — Fundraising in the presidential contest has zoomed past the $1 billion mark, fueled by the dozens of super-wealthy Americans bankrolling super PACs that have acted as shadow campaigns for White House contenders.

So all those unlimited Ameros splashing around the Ad Sales Department at Fox News, unleashed by Citizens United, still cannot buy them love? C.U. (see what I did there?) has led to a populace who hates Wingnuttia/Y’all Qaeda/The New Confederacy even more? Who couldda guessed it? I mean besides everyone.

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo | 3 Comments

Fashion Week Continued!

Thug Life

Wow, thugs in the ’70s were really different than now.

Posted in Fashion Week | 10 Comments

News That Will Drive You To Drink

It's a turd, er, bird! It's a plane....

It’s a turd, er, bird! It’s a plane….

Washington (CNN)An angry and emotional Ted Cruz on Thursday ripped into Donald Trump for his attacks on Cruz’s wife, Heidi, and repeatedly declined to say whether he would support Trump if he’s the Republican presidential nominee.

…Asked then multiple times if he could still support Trump in November as the Republican nominee given his most recent comments, a fired-up Cruz paused for a few beats before not directly answering whether he would.

What a joke. So after a day of grunting Tarzan-Jane patriarchy at Vulgarmort to protect his wife’s honor like the manly-man he is, that’s the best he could do?

Posted in 2016 Goat Rodeo, Ayatollah Ted Cruz | 8 Comments