SCOTUS Releases the Leak Investigation Report

“…but first, a little ru-ru!”

As we noted yesterday, the SCOTUS remains baffled by whoever it was that leaked the betrayal of Opus Dei’ own Sam The Witchfinder’s decision to overturn 50 years of precedent and take-away the constitutional right to an abortion. The Marshall of the Supreme Court released the report and you can find it here. To summarize it, they never asked the Justices, and gosh dang it, they are all out of ideas of whodunnit! Could it be time for…

Secret technology of the SCOTUS

I will direct your attention to the following paragraph (and emphasis is mine):

…the Court immediately and unanimously agreed that the extraordinary betrayal of trust that took place last May warranted a thorough inves- tigation. The Chief Justice assigned the task to the Marshal of the Supreme Court and her staff. After months of diligent analysis of forensic evidence and interviews of almost 100 employees, the Marshal’s team determined that no further investigation was warranted with respect to many of the “82 employees [who] had access to electronic or hard copies of the draft opinion.” Marshal’s Report of Find- ings & Recommendations 11 (Jan. 19, 2023). In following up on all available leads, however, the Marshal’s team performed additional forensic analysis and conducted multiple follow-up interviews of certain employees. But the team has to date been unable to identify a person responsible by a preponderance of the evidence.

Of course, there is no definition of employees, so we don’t really know if that includes the Justices, but I doubt it. So if none of the employees leaked the draft, uh, what can we conclude through the process of elimination?

Take your pick and place your bets in the comments, it’s gotta be one of these bums:

  1. Justice Sam-the-Witchfinder Alito
  2. Justice Clarence Thomas
  3. Justice Gini Thomas
  4. All of the above
This entry was posted in Clarance Thomas, Forced Birth, Ginni Thomas, Sam Alito — Trenton’s Torquemada, SCOTUS, War on Women. Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to SCOTUS Releases the Leak Investigation Report

  1. Stony Pillow says:

    Roberts was in charge of the investigayion. My money’s on Roberts. He had the most compelling motive.

    How many leaks will it take to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop? The world may never know.

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=2IA5Cv_5-g8

    Liked by 1 person

  2. ali redford says:

    All of the above. They’ve jointly and separately demonstrated this pattern.

    Like

  3. My Quatloos are on Sam the Witchfinder. His pissing and moaning about how unseemly and a great betrayal all of this was seems kinda forced, because this was his ultimate pwn the libs moment.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. roket says:

    Their authority shall not be questioned, so who cares? Right Stephen Miller?

    Liked by 1 person

  5. gruaud says:

    Torquemada Junior gets my vote.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Oneofthebobs says:

    Rhymes with “El Leako”.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. genelms says:

    I have to go with my multiple-choice testing rules. Stick with the first choice you feel is right. I am going with #1.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. MDavis says:

    Alito wrote the draft, right? And the entire 98 page draft was leaked to Politico, apparently.
    Alito, in the servant’s quarters, with a floozie.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Jim says:

    They should give Occam’s razor a try. Or, paraphrasing Sherlock Holmes once you have eliminated every possibility, whoever is left is the winner.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. artahzen says:

    It was a group participation event for the 4 of them.

    Like

  11. pagan in repose says:

    To do an ‘Alito’: To lose your dignity, credibility, self-respect and self-esteem and gaining being known as cruel, hateful, petty and petulant and a lair all in one sentence or less. Of course he would have had to have had dignity et al to lose them in the first place.

    Like

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