News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News

Hair Füror sucks

When I think of 2x-impeached LOSER ex-prznint and current 4x criminally referred co-conspirator of the January 6 Insurrection, after I finish gagging, what I usually think about is him cocooned in his trash palace at Merde-a-Lardo, perhaps playing a little golf, or otherwise charging through life oblivious of the wreckage in his wake.

So imagine my surprise to learn

Natalie Harp, one of Trump’s employees and a former host on the pro-Trump cable network One America News, often accompanies Trump on his daily golf outings, riding the course in a golf cart equipped with a laptop and sometimes a printer to show him uplifting news articles, online posts or other materials.

And when he’s not being babied on the back 9 holes…

On some quiet days, another aide, Molly Michael, who served as Trump’s assistant in the White House, has called around to Trump’s network of allies across the country requesting that they dial the former president to boost his spirits with positive affirmations. There’s nothing going on, she has told them, adding that his friends know how restless he gets when nothing is going on, according to people who have heard her appeal.

Occasionally, he tries a little grifting from the taxpayers, as one does, but his heart is just not into it like the old days:

Like he did as president, Trump has looked for ways to turn a profit with his new arrangement: Trump’s staff tried, unsuccessfully, to get the General Services Administration to pay rent at Mar-a-Lago — potentially for his lifetime — for the office space he has created for himself above the club’s ballroom.

Into every life a little rains must fall, and former presidents are no different. After being the most powerful person in the world, well, what does one do as a second act?

Most former presidents have compensated for the boredom by throwing themselves into the task of crafting a new kind of public life, pursuing charitable goals and managing their legacies through books and the building of a presidential library.

But not Trump.

Hair Füror —without constant press attention nor access to his beloved Twitter— is unable to make pronouncements and declarations, and god only knows he tried:

At one point in early 2021, Trump asked a team of advisers if he could summon a press pool — like the contingent of reporters, photographers and videographers who travel with the president — for an event at his Florida club. But there was no pool on call because he was no longer president.

“We had to explain to him that he didn’t have a group standing around waiting for him anymore,” one former aide said.

And I bet THAT was fun. And so like an ersatz Norma Desmond, Hair Füror

…emerges for dinner, surrounded most nights by adoring club members who stand and applaud at his appearance; they stand and applaud again after he finishes his meal and retires for the night.

I would applaud him leaving, too, come to think of it.

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8 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Jimmy T says:

    I would be like this young woman and give him one of these…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. MDavis says:

    “🎶He’s only a bird in a gilded cage🎵”
    Note – we all know the definition of bird on this site.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Does she jingle her keys to distract him when he starts getting obstreperous?

    Liked by 1 person

  4. roket says:

    So has he requested the gummit pay rent for the storage of classified documents yet?

    Liked by 4 people

  5. Redhand says:

    called around to Trump’s network of allies across the country requesting that they dial the former president to boost his spirits with positive affirmations.

    I could not help but think of another “Daily Affirmation” after reading this.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Buttermilk Sky says:

    Who dines at Lago de Merde? “Olive Garden is closed for fumigation, want to try that big ugly place by the airport?”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. w3ski4me says:

    It is a bad case of “The Emporer has no clothes” Now they all (mostly) see him for the bloated slug that he really is. So they applaud his exit? How fitting. They need to loudly boo his arrival as well.

    Liked by 1 person

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