They Seem Nice

Get yer MAGA hats here!

So who are the MAGA, anyway?

A CBS News review of U.S. Justice Department court filings shows a growing number of Jan. 6 defendants have been arrested again, for subsequent crimes involving guns, drugs and domestic abuse. The new charges complicate their ability to secure lenient sentences in their cases related to the rioting on Jan. 6, 2021, and they potentially jeopardize attempts by other Capitol riot defendants to secure pretrial releases in their cases.

In one example, U.S. Navy reservist Hatchet Speed, who is accused of joining a group of Proud Boys as he went to the Capitol on Jan. 6, is facing two separate prosecutions.

Hatchet Speed? Seriously?

The Justice Department charged Speed in June for his alleged involvement in the Capitol breach. In charging documents, prosecutors alleged Speed blamed Antifa for breaking windows. He also allegedly accused then-Vice President Mike Pence of betrayal and said, “It should have gotten to the point where Nancy Pelosi should have resigned out of fear for her life. That’s what should have happened.”

So what has Hatchet Speed (I’m going to use his full name because I’m a 10-year old boy and think this is hysterical) done since?

Speed has pleaded not guilty to four federal charges in his Jan 6 case. But while awaiting trial, he’s been indicted on a series of additional charges in the U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Virginia.

Prosecutors alleged Speed unlawfully possessed firearms silencers and also made a series of firearms purchases after Jan. 6, 2021, in what they called a $50,000 wave of “panic buying.”

I can see some panic buying, but it would probably involve cases of single-malt Scotch. And a bag of nuts. Man does not live by bread alone.

In court filings in the Virginia case, prosecutors said, “Speed also made comments sympathizing with domestic terrorists Eric Rudolph and Ted Kaczynski.” They alleged that “Speed made comments discussing his admiration for Adolf Hitler, describing Hitler as ‘one of the best people that’s ever been on this earth’ and stating that he ‘really want[s] somebody like Hitler to stand up and say, we’re going to stand against this moral incineration that we’re seeing in the western world.'”

Nice guy, that Hatchet Speed, and as we saw over the weekend, he’s not alone in his enthusiasm for the Unabomber, so he’s potentially a Senate candidate in the Terrible Sand Kingdom of Arizonastan. Anyway, the article continues and we get case studies of other MAGA misfits and malcontents, but none as poetically named as Hatchet Speed.



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9 Responses to They Seem Nice

  1. Zorba says:

    Reblogged this on Politicians Are Poody Heads and commented:

    Hatchet Speed??? I wonder if that’s his birth name…

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hatchet Speed???!!!

    The writers room for this wretched reality have just given up even trying.

    Liked by 4 people

  3. MDavis says:

    … a **$50,000** wave of “panic buying.”

    What’s his day job?
    With that expensive of a shopping spree, I wonder if his profession could have potential for other charges.

    Liked by 4 people

    • But, but, but, the FTFNYT has repeatedly and insistently informed me that they are all ‘economically anxious’ plain folks from the heartland (diners).

      Fifty grand is over half my annual salary (and I’m not shabbily paid!).

      Liked by 3 people

  4. roket says:

    I would estimate my hatchet speed to be around 60 or 70 mph when I throw it. I also estimate Hatchet Speed’s IQ to be around the same.

    Liked by 4 people

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