Happy Hour News

“You’re room is waiting!”

So yeah, Ken Starr is gone and he won’t be missed. Not even a golf clap for the bastard.

Don’t read this that I was a fan of Bill Clinton, I wasn’t; that walking exhibit for the Seven Deadly Sins had the world in his hand, and he should have kept it zipped. I still say Clinton was the best Republican we ever elected (he gave the GOP their entire goddamn agenda, and they still impeached the bastard, no professional courtesy), but even he did not deserve to have this greasy and smug hate goblin pursing him for a consensual affair.

Starr made the world worse and left a trail of injuries and wounded souls, often women.

Hillary Clinton was publicly humiliated and scorned. She still has to deal with the stigma of being the most famous cuckquean in modern history, and every time Bill is seen without her in public, the stories start up again; even when she ran for president, she was faced with questions about Bill’s infidelity more often than her own policy positions. She’ll never be done with Ken Starr.

We will never know what Monica Lewinsky could have become because Ken Starr decided to put a scarlet A on her;  whatever ideals and goals she had that brought her to Washington were scrapped off of Ken Starr’s sole. She’s earned a lot of good will for her self-deprecating humor about it all now, but it came at quite a cost.

UPDATE: Lewinsky speaks with incredible grace about own Javert, er, Starr:

“As I’m sure many can understand, my thoughts about Ken Starr bring up complicated feelings. But of more importance, is that i imagine it’s a painful loss for those who love him.”

And all of us are damaged by this pestiferous prosecutor: all of today’s cynicism, all of today’s christo-fascism, all of it began with Starr and his spiritual doppelgänger, the staff-banging, serial adulterer Newt Gingrich. All of where we are today began then, with the partnership of Starr and Gingrich.

And let that sink in for a moment.

Our future was bundled up like the morning garbage that Starr famously used to take out to the curb where he would have daily impromptu press conferences dripping with smug condescension, his rubbish in hand, as he would answer the smarmy questions barked from our Failed Political Press.

Besides sniffing panties everywhere he went, Starr is famous for getting fired at Baylor Law School for [wait for it] mishandling several sexual assaults at the school.

[The goddesses Karma and Eiron are having happy hour and a roaring good time.]

So if you don’t have anything nice to say, come sit next to me. I never liked him in life, and he gets no pass from me in death. Throw another log on the fire, Satan, get the grease hot, because it’s homecoming for a favorite son.

UPDATE: Our pals at Electoral-Vote looked at Starr’s record and give us a list:

1. Although his report on the death of Vince Foster ultimately concluded that it was a suicide and that there was no foul play, Starr nonetheless helped to create a conspiracy theory that lingers to the present day, and that helped poison the water against the Clintons in particular and the Democrats in general.
2. He worked with then-Speaker Newt Gingrich to create Lewinskygate and to impeach Bill Clinton, even though both men knew full well that the whole thing was a political circus.
3. He landed a job at Pepperdine by pulling strings with a friend who happened to be a major donor to the school and an even more major Clinton hater.
4. He served as counsel in cases where he fought against campaign finance reform.
5. He helped strengthen schools’ power to limit students’ First Amendment rights.
6. He defended Blackwater when their “contractors” (translation: mercenaries) killed four unarmed civilians
7. After California (temporarily) outlawed gay marriage, he served as lead counsel in a case that sought to nullify the 18,000 same-sex marriages that had already taken place.
8. He defended Jeffrey Epstein, and reportedly masterminded a vast, secretive propaganda campaign targeting Epstein’s victims.
9. While president of Baylor University, he swept charges of sexual misconduct against members of the football team under the rug.
10. He defended Donald Trump during the first impeachment trial.