Because We Love A Good Apology

Noted milquetoast Dana Milbank, previously known in the blog-o-sphere as the dick whisperer, seems to have been replaced with a high-octane version:

Who knew strongmen were so fragile?

The insurrectionists of Jan. 6 busted into the Capitol, hit police with fire extinguishers, flagpoles, bats, stun guns and pepper spray; they threatened to kill the vice president and tried to overthrow the 2020 election. And now, they want an apology.

MAGA Republican leaders have fomented violence, attacked the rule of law and deceived tens of millions of people into rejecting the outcome of free and fair elections. And now, they, too, want an apology.

And then he gives them one of their own kind of non apologies, and boy-howdy it is glorious:

I regret that the heads and bodies of police officers got in the way of your truncheons and flagpoles while you were engaging in Legitimate Political Discourse at the Capitol. I hope that you didn’t hurt your fingers while gouging their eyes, and that their blood didn’t stain your tactical assault gear; if it did, please send me the dry-cleaning bill! I am so sorry that, on your Normal Tourist Visit, you didn’t get to use your noose or all the guns stockpiled at the Comfort Inn in Alexandria. Please forgive me for previously quibbling with your plan to “hang Mike Pence” and your use of the Confederate flag in the halls of Congress. I apologize that you had to break windows and doors, climb scaffolding and rappel into the Senate chamber. My bad! Next time you want to overthrow an American election, just knock…

…I’m so sorry you’ve convinced millions of people to believe the egregious lie that the 2020 election was stolen. I’m sorry you are making heroes of the criminals who attacked our seat of government. I’m sorry you’re currently fomenting violence against the FBI and the IRS. I’m sorry you’re passing laws giving yourselves more power to overthrow the 2024 election results if you lose, and I’m sorry you’re nominating candidates committed to doing so. I’m sorry you don’t like it when the Justice Department enforces the law and protects national security. I’m sorry you’ve lionized Hungarian strongman Viktor Orban, and I’m sorry you say that the Democratic Party, not Vladimir Putin’s Russia, is the real enemy. I regret that you’ve taken away women’s rights. I regret that you’re banning books and censoring history lessons. I regret that you are shunning science, expertise and the truth. Above all, I’m truly sorry that, because of such things, Biden called you semi-fascists. There’s really nothing “semi” about it.


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5 Responses to Because We Love A Good Apology

  1. Jimmy T says:

    Instant classic, wished I could do that as well as he did it…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. w3ski4me says:

    I love it. Can we have some more, please?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. osirisopto says:

    It’s almost like he’s following leader, or something.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Stony Pillow says:

    Again, see what happens when you attack? Moral clarity happens.

    And as we all know, moral clarity has a liberal bias.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. roket says:

    Excellent, however, I’m more sorrier though.

    Liked by 1 person

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