Shouldda Called Saul

Lord Damp Nut is not a monster, he’s just ahead of the curve.

Guys, you might have heard by now that Lord Damp Nut is in a little bit of legal trouble, what with pending investigations and whatnot around his stealing classified documents for some unknown and unknowable reason (totally not gonna say he planned to sell them, which he totally did), and you know, he needs to find better lawyers to represent him than Rudy Giuliani:

Trump is rushing to hire seasoned lawyers — but he keeps hearing ‘No’

The former president’s current legal team includes a Florida insurance lawyer who’s never had a federal case, a past general counsel for a parking-garage company and a former host at far-right One America News

Well, that’s delightfully embarrassing! Tell us more, WaPo!

Trump is no stranger to legal proceedings, and his scramble to hire lawyers in the face of an ominous federal probe recalls his predicament in the summer of 2017, when he was under scrutiny from special counsel Robert S. Mueller III in the Russia probe. Once again, Trump is struggling to find a veteran criminal defense lawyer with a strong track record of dealing with the Justice Department in a sprawling, multipronged investigation.


Ordinarily, the prestige and publicity of representing a former president, as well as the new and complex legal issues at stake in this case, would attract high-powered attorneys. But Trump’s search is being hampered by his divisiveness, as well as his reputation for stiffing vendors and ignoring advice.

Come on, let’s get to the fun stuff!

People familiar with the search for legal help said the effort includes Susie Wiles, a close adviser to Trump, and attorney Christina Bobb, who was present at Mar-a-Lago during the search and signed for the list of documents taken. Former campaign adviser Boris Epshteyn is taking a prominent role, and former White House aide Kash Patel is advising informally. Patel is raising money for a “legal offense” fund by selling merchandise such as tank tops and beanies emblazoned with the logo “K$H.”

ka-CHING! Got our first set of ninnies and grifters!

Bobb’s prior legal experience at the federal level consists mainly of a handful of trademark infringement cases on behalf of CrossFit during a stint at a San Diego law firm. She did not respond to requests for comment.

Trump’s other lawyer currently based in Florida is Lindsey Halligan, whose practice, according to a professional biography, focuses on insurance claims at residential and commercial properties. She was admitted to the Florida bar in 2014. A search of federal court records found no filings under her name. She did not respond to requests for comment.

Trump is also being represented in the records dispute by Alina Habba, who leads a three-attorney firm with an office near Trump’s golf club in Bedminster, N.J. Her professional experience includes serving as general counsel to a parking garage company.

Anyway, more proof that Trump hires only the best people.

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14 Responses to Shouldda Called Saul

  1. “Good lawyers should have been working on this case for months,” said Alan Dershowitz, the former Harvard Law School professor who has advised Trump in the past and said he hasn’t been asked to get involved now.

    Even trump knows better than to hire Dersh.

    Tangerine Idiot Amin must be starting to panic. Expect more and crazier shit going down.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Saul Goodman would never.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. roket says:

    Perhaps he should consider a Public Defender.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. TheOtherHank says:

    It’s so odd that having a reputation for both stiffing people that work for you and being utterly unwilling to do what he’s told would make it hard to hire competent lawyers.

    Let me put on my thinking cap and try to figure out why this might be.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. J Roc says:

    Maybe Allan Dershowitz would do it? Or perhaps he wanted a retainer? Perhaps he’s not as foolish as some of his TV appearances clearly show him to be.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tengrain says:

      I think even a dope like Dervish has had enough. After all, defending Trump in the impeachment got him socially panned on Martha’s Vineyard. Two summers of no invites! Practically anti-semitic!



      Liked by 2 people

  6. Buttermilk Sky says:

    Isn’t Tiffany a lawyer? He usually likes to keep things in the family…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. osirisopto says:

    He’s probably looking for someone who will take tha case on contingency.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. RevZafod says:

    That Colorado prison where Jimmy McGill is doing 86 years looks like a good retirement home for TFG. No golf, tho.


  9. Burr Deming says:

    If Mr. Trump needs legal representation, I believe the team representing Alex Jones is now available.


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