Report from Merde-a-Lardo: Twizzler Speaks!

H/T Scissorhead Dennis Cole

Twizzler went on Fox News to kvetch and whine about the search of Merde-a-Lardo (the show was Hannitifa, if you must know) and boy, howdy what a steaaming pant load he left behind. Some fact checking is required:

“Sean, my father never got so much as a speeding ticket in his life, you know, until he made one decision, and that’s to go down the escalators of Mar-a-Lago and spend a lot of money and go and actually fight for this country for the first time, and he did a better job than anybody has ever done. And they started coming after him.”

Not being caught is not the same thing as not speeding. But let’s list some of the more egregious times that Lord Damp Nut was caught:

  • Assorted frauds as being investigated by NY AG James
  • Trump University $25M Amero
  • The Trump Charities, including one that Twizzler ran in which the Crime Family stole from children with cancer and are forbidden from running any further charities.

Do continue, Twizz:

“The Washington Post, the day he won, 2016, the day he won, November 8, that night they wrote an article: This is when impeachment begins,” the younger Trump said. “He wasn’t president. He hadn’t been elected for, you know, five minutes at that point. And they start: This is when impeachment begins. And then he’s impeached the first time, and then he was impeached the second time. They slandered him and they belittled him. They went after them, they went after all of us.”

Fact Check:

  • The first impeachment was for extorting Ukraine to get dirt on an opponent
  • The second impeachment for inciting a riot to stop the same opponent from, well, winning, and you know, left actual, literal dead bodies in his wake.

Please continue.

“There’s no family in American history that has taken more arrows in the back than the Trump family, every single time,”

The Kennedys would like to have a word with you, Twizzler.

“All they want to do is they want to get Donald Trump…and they do it for one reason: because they don’t want Donald Trump to run and win again in 2024.”

No one sane wants the clown car to pull up in front of 1600 Pennsylvania again.

“To have 30 FBI agents, actually more than that, descend on Mar-a-Lago, give absolutely no notice, go through the gates, start ransacking an office, ransacking a closet.”

It was not a raid. There was a warrant. Hair Füror was served. That was the notice. Nothing was ransacked. Hair Füror’s Secret Service detail witnessed.

“You know, they broke into a safe—he didn’t even have anything in the safe. I mean, give me a break. And this is coming from what? The National Archives?”

Stealing documents, Twizzler. Potentially with National Security implications.

“Federal agents removed about a dozen boxes of materials from former President Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate and issued a warrant indicating the search pertained to possible violations surrounding classified information and the Presidential Records Act.”

I’ve read that the Espionage Act is in question, too. Do conclude, Twizzler

“Yet, you know, Hunter Biden, he did firearms crimes, prostitution, illegal drugs, shady deals with everybody around the world—and by the way, it’s all on his laptop for the whole world to see, in his own writing, in his own words, corroborated by everybody. Where are these FBI agents? Where is everybody? Why is it that the arrows only fly at Donald Trump and his family? Why is it that the political persecution only goes one way in this country?”

Get off the cross, someone else needs the wood. The Trump Crime Family is making the Gambino look like rank amateurs.

One wonders how often any family attorney in the history of the country ever has to go start a conspiracy theory because whatever was in those 12 boxes is the basis of the warrant to search must be shockingly bad to be the first time in US History that this has ever happened:

The only evidence planted at a Trump property is Ivana. Just saying.

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8 Responses to Report from Merde-a-Lardo: Twizzler Speaks!

  1. “We have proof they planted that evidence,” she did not say, “see we have video of them bringing them in. Note how they are stealthily walking backwards and following the same path they used carrying the boxes out.”

    Good enough for most MAGAts.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Sirius Lunacy says:

    That’s kind of like saying the mob boss must be innocent because he’s never littered. What TFG has missed in speeding tickets he’s more than made up for in lawsuits against. Also, not to be nitpicky, the escalator ride was in Trump Tower, I don’t think Merde-a-Lardo has escalators. You would think Twizzler would know a these things about Trump Properties.

    Liked by 3 people

    • MDavis says:

      TFG has drivers. I doubt he even has a driver license, since he just has drivers.
      Mob bosses? I bet they have people they can just hand their trash to, so it’s the same principle.
      Also, even if Hitler’s dog liked him Hitler was still a Nazi – what was that fallacy again? I don’t remember it’s name.


  3. roket says:

    Right off the bat, I’m trying to picture TFG behind the wheel of a car and I just can NOT.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. alstroemeria7 says:

    People are saying that the authorities need to check out Ivana’s resting place…if she was cremated, why’d it take 10 pallbearers to carry her casket out of the funeral????

    What a convenient hiding place for the donald!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. MDavis says:

    I thought someone had already gone to MAL to pick up those papers. I guess I missed something.


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