America’s Mayor “Assaulted,” Hilarity Ensues


You guys, Rudy Giuliani is lucky to be alive! He was at a Staten Island store (which neither sells landscaping nor dildos, go figure) when he was viciously assaulted as we will see in the shocking video below:

As you can imagine, a spitball sailed across the internet:

Or maybe two spitballs:

Possibly three spitballs:

Rudy demanded that the employee, Daniel Gill, should be fired from his job and prosecuted. And so he was arrested, and his lawyers released the following statement which certainly sounds coherent (anything would sound coherent following Rudy’s account of what happened):

“The charges facing Daniel Gill, who has no previous contact with the criminal legal system, are inconsistent with existing law. Our client merely patted Mr. Giuliani, who sustained nothing remotely resembling physical injuries, without malice to simply get his attention, as the video footage clearly showed. Mr. Gill was then followed and threatened by one of Mr. Giuliani’s associates who allegedly poked Mr. Gill in the chest and told him that he was going to be ‘locked up.’ He was then needlessly held by the NYPD in custody for over 24 hours. Given Mr. Giuliani’s obsession with seeing his name in the press and his demonstrated propensity to distort the truth, we are happy to correct the record on exactly what occurred over the weekend on Staten Island.”

Anyway, Mr. Gill is a local hero. We salute our brother in antifa.

This entry was posted in snark. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to America’s Mayor “Assaulted,” Hilarity Ensues

  1. Reportedly Mr Gill said “Hey scumbag!” to him. According to my Staten Island-English dictionary it is a common friendly greeting.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Buttermilk Sky says:

    By now it’s practically an assassination attempt. He’ll be fundraising off it by tonight.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. roket says:

    This wouldn’t have happened if he were in jail.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. MDavis says:

    Yet the second person who laid hands on him, with a more prolonged, er, touch, got off without even a warning.
    In fact, the video seems to show that the second attacker patted him at least three times.

    I guess Rudy forgot about those security cameras. Or he’s so used to the mockery that it just doesn’t faze him.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. The drama or the delicious, splendid drama. Giuliani has gotten to the point he cannot live without it any more than he can the booze. We already know from the entire 2020 election carp that he has no grasp of reality nor cares for truth, but he must have that sweet nectar of the limelight of the public media and always claiming to be the aggrieved victim. I think he took lessons from Catholic Priests who got caught sexing a few altar boys, claim to always be the brave victim against those nefarious powerless accusers. Hugs


  6. *FelineMama* says:

    Me thinks Rudolph is entering the paranoid phase of his treasonous, life of the never ending partnership with the Duhnold.
    I’m happy for him.
    Nobody reached for a gun????


Comments are closed.