All This Time Baptists Were Talkin’ About The Rapture We Thought They Meant Something Else

Maybe “rapture” means something else to Southern Baptists, if you know what I mean and I think you do:

Southern Baptist leaders covered up sex abuse, kept secret database, report says

Leaders in the Southern Baptist Convention on Sunday released a major third-party investigation that found that sex abuse survivors were often ignored, minimized and “even vilified” by top clergy in the nation’s largest Protestant denomination.

The findings of nearly 300 pages include shocking new details about specific abuse cases and shine a light on how denominational leaders for decades actively resisted calls for abuse prevention and reform. Evidence in the report suggests leaders also lied to Southern Baptists over whether they could maintain a database of offenders to prevent more abuse when top leaders were secretly keeping a private list for years.

So the good news is that they have a list of perps and victims so it should be a head start for the police, and if the statute of limitations is up, well, the civil lawyers will be much obliged. I’d lawyer up, fellas.

Turns out the Catholic Priests got nothing on these boys.

The report — the first investigation of its kind in a massive Protestant denomination like the SBC — is expected to send shock waves throughout a conservative Christian community that has had intense internal battles over how to handle sex abuse. The 13 million-member denomination, along with other religious institutions in the United States, has struggled with declining membership for the past 15 years. Its leaders have long resisted comparisons between its sexual abuse crisis and that of the Catholic Church, saying the total number of abuse cases among Southern Baptists was small.

And it goes on and on. I’d say it was shocking, but it isn’t. What is shocking is that they thought they could hide their hypocrisy. Just like when the Baptists gathered around Lord Damp Nut as their earthly savior.

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9 Responses to All This Time Baptists Were Talkin’ About The Rapture We Thought They Meant Something Else

  1. “I am shocked, SHOCKED that there is gambling going on at Ricks a deep abuse cover-up going on at a virulently misogynist authoritarian religious institution!”

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Jimmy T says:

    Well, ladies and germs and people of generally good moral principle, you know where the exits are located. The journey to personal “salvation” begins with a single step…

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Sirius Lunacy says:

    You WILL have your rapist’s… er, Southern Baptist pastor’s baby!!!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. laura says:

    Major religions organized around extreme pussy fever. I am not shocked, not shocked at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. roket says:

    They kept a list you say? Bet they had to check that sucker more than twice.

    Does the database have a checkbox for the number of abortions paid for by the church?

    Liked by 2 people

  6. spotthedog says:

    I was sent to Baptist Sunday school when I was 5, I lasted a grand total of 2 sessions, the end came when a shitty old church lady shamed me for my lack of bible knowledge, and I’ve lived quite contentedly in hell-bound godlessness ever since.


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