Pop Quiz!

Objects in Mirror are actual size

Guys, Ben Shapiro thinks he’s gonna be the conservative Disney:

Ben Shapiro grew up loving Disney movies, he told his podcast listeners last week. The conservative firebrand passed that love on to his kids by taking them to Disneyland as soon as they were old enough — 6 months of age in the Shapiro household.

But then Disney got political, he claimed. Gay characters appeared in their movies and those characters sometimes kissed each other. Shapiro said the company he once loved was “being held hostage by the woke.”

Shapiro previewed the potential for counterprograming when he told his listeners last weekthat his conservative media company, the Daily Wire, would begin producing children’s entertainment. But he offered no specifics about how or when that might happen.

Good lord, can you imagine what would come out of that foul chimpmunk’s rancid brain as entertainment? I knew you could!

For 1/43 0f a 3/17 of a point: Give Tiny Ben some ideas of Disney Classics updated to reflect conservative values! 

I’m going with:

  • Cinderella, except that she longs to return to being a scullery maid.
  • Snow White except she stays asleep because Prince Charming is an incel and likes it that way.
  • The 101 Dalmatians except that the Radcliff’s sell the puppies to Cruella for a handsome profit.
  • Song of the South, well, re-released.
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12 Responses to Pop Quiz!

  1. MDavis says:

    101 Dalmations, except it’s live action, and they aren’t escaping they are just being kept long enough to find new owners (for a profit, of course), and those aren’t Dalmatian puppies they’re the kids separated from their parents at the border, and I really didn’t come here to spin a story idea, I just wanted to point out that Shapiro creeps me out and I would seriously expect any child-focused entertainment he came up with to end up somehow being a child-endangerment or child-trafficking thing (or both).

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Jimmy T says:

    I’m going with Fantasia or possibly Dumbo because in the first case he’s incapable of attaining the skills needed to produce a quality film, and yeah I watched Fantasia with real enthusiasm as an eight year old, and Dumbo because well no explanation is needed. I’m leaning towards Dumbo though…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sirius Lunacy says:

    Pinocchio, but instead of his nose growing longer every time he tells a lie, his penis grows shorter. He squishes the meddlesome Jiminy Cricket under his heel as Jiminy never tells him what he wants to hear and so he never gains a conscience. He just continues to lie and get away with it and eventually becomes President. He never becomes a real boy which makes it easy for a foreign power to pull his strings and he picks an even more wooden marionette to be his veep.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. fry1laurie says:

    He is goofy, you gotta give him that

    Like

  5. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    Snow White Power and the Seven Untermenschen

    Liked by 4 people

  6. Lying King, Seeping Rudy, the Bungle Book, the Non-Credibles, “Republicans Down Under” later retold as “Fuck Tales the Movie” (-2 classic conservative child’s coming-of-age tales of sexual get-togethers and cocaine bumps), “HeKno & Snitch” rereleased as “RatOnYouie” (-2 delightful Michael Cohen biographies), Jumbo (-unauthorized Chris Christy biography), Dolt (-the LDN biography)

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Steve-O says:

    Lil’ Ben will remake Robin Hood except this time the real hero wins, King John, when he takes all the poors’ money, hangs Robin Hood and the Merry Men for being traitors to the crown, and usurps Richard when he comes home.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Jungle Book Burners.

    Like

  9. IMRowpog says:

    I’m guessing he has no problem with “Beauty and Beastiality”?

    Like

  10. schmice3 says:

    In my opinion, he sounds like a closeted repressed self-hating homosexual. (Oh, right; not that there’s anything wrong with it…)

    Like

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