Because We Love A Good Thesis Statement

“I ran so far away-ay-ay…”

This is perhaps the most perfect lede paragraph I’ve read:

Donald Trump’s pursuit of “perfect” hair may be lifelong, but the former president’s hope of achieving that goal by tinkering with the country’s shower head requirements has come to an end.

Which leads us to the essential quote from Hair Füror:

“So shower heads — you take a shower, the water doesn’t come out,” Trump said at a White House event last year. “You want to wash your hands, the water doesn’t come out. So what do you do? You just stand there longer or you take a shower longer? Because my hair — I don’t know about you, but it has to be perfect. Perfect.”

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11 Responses to Because We Love A Good Thesis Statement

  1. retiredeng says:

    “Perfect” is an imperfect adjective. TFG has always been damaged goods.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. so, he thinks that …thing…perched on his obviously bald scalp is “perfect”? If he gets re-elected, he is going to mandate that we all do that to our hair.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. beckymaenot says:

    You know- “perfect” is one of those subjective things. Sure- TFG’s hair is perfect- perfectly freakish… just like the rest of him.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. roket says:

    We are all showerheads now??

    Like

  5. FTA (which was illuminating since I never did look up the details of the stupid rule change)

    This meant that a shower head with three nozzles could use 7.5 gallons of water per minute.

    This means that one of those showerheads in the illo on the Post article could put out approximately 450 GPM. This is one and a half times the max output of a 3 inch firehose.

    You wouldn’t have to worry about your thinning hair as it peeled everything from your skeleton from the top down!

    Like

    • Zorba says:

      If only Donnie had stood under one of those five years ago!
      Of course, all that fat would have clogged up the plumbing.

      Like

  6. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    Remember when Trump complained to coal miners about hairspray regulations? I can believe these assholes think he’s macho.

    Like

    • Richard Portman says:

      Wait a minute, you forgot some things. He doesn’t only like hairspray he also loves the pipes. Clan Macdonald.
      Oh, I forgot to tell you, he loves birds.

      Like

  7. Redhand says:

    Little old lady got mutilated late last night
    Werewolves of London again.
    * * * *
    I saw a werewolf drinking a piña colada at Trader Vic’s
    And his hair was perfect.

    It kinda fits. I like Jackson Browne’s interpretation of the song:

    “It’s about a really well-dressed, ladies’ man, a werewolf preying on little old ladies. In a way it’s the Victorian nightmare, the gigolo thing. The idea behind all those references is the idea of the ne’er do-well who devotes his life to pleasure: the debauched Victorian gentleman in gambling clubs, consorting with prostitutes, the aristocrat who squanders the family fortune. All of that is secreted in that one line: “I’d like to meet his tailor.”

    Of course, our debauched, shithead ex-POTUS would be worried about his “perfect hair” rather than the stink that emanates from his head. But then he knows his base very well: “The tribe that rubs shit in their hair,” as Driftglass so aptly describes them.

    Like

  8. Richard Portman says:

    This is what the President of USA told people . He said this. Future people, if you are there, he said this.

    Like

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