News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News

She seems nice:

GOP Candidate for CA Sec. of State Claims She Inspired Witch’s Murder

In her bid to be California’s Secretary of State, Republican candidate Rachel Hamm has the backing of some of the leading lights in the Trump movement. She has the endorsement of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn and Steve Bannon called her part of a “​​rising generation of superstars.”

But Hamm’s new allies often fail to mention her role battling in what she imagines as a ceaseless war with Satanists and witches.

Oh dear. She is speaking metaphorically, right?

Hamm has claimed that devil-worshippers sacrificed animals and performed other occult rituals in front of her house. But she isn’t without her defenses, saying that her prayers also inspired the murder of a witch in her neighborhood.

She saw that, eh?

“The day that I moved into that house, someone from the Satanic community came to my house with a black raven in his hand, and he twisted off the neck of the bird and let the blood spill out onto my property to claim my property and assert the power of Satan over my home,” Hamm said.

OK, so Hamm is seeking to be the Secretary of State for our most populous state, who oversees all the elections in California. What could go wrong?

Hamm has claimed that Donald Trump, who lost California by nearly 30 points, would have won the state in 2020 if not for voter fraud. And endorsements from prominent Republicans like Flynn and Lindell, in spite of her extreme beliefs, mark a GOP willingness to court the party’s most bizarre fringes.

OK, thinking Satanists performing the dark arts on her lawn and using special Jeebus powers to hunt witches is one thing, but thinking Prznint Stupid won California is just crazy. This dip needs a rest in a padded room.

This entry was posted in California, Crazeee States, Hair Führer Donald Trump, Jump for Jeebus, The Big Lie, The Devil's Army, Xristian Xraxies. Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. jetsam359 says:

    She has the endorsement of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell, former Trump national security adviser Michael Flynn and Steve Bannon called her part of a “​​rising generation of superstars,” so what could go wrong? No, I think Steve Bannon meant to say “a rising generation of stupidstars or possibly dim stars (to be nice).” What the raging Christo masses find believable I cannot fathom, and will not try. Is there a parody you may ask, and of corpse my dearly departed fiend (sic) Miguel Mas may have the best take on the Christoweenies. Let her rip Miguel…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Uhhh, has anyone looked into this? wouldn’t be the first time some christian whackadoo murdered someone they thought was a witch…

    Liked by 4 people

  3. Czippie L'Shimp says:

    You can imagine how proud we are.

    I truly fear that she has a chance. I was just chatting with a neighbour who, while seeming at least somewhat rational, would definitely vote for this person over ANY Democrat

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Sirius Lunacy says:

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Richard Portman says:

    Good grief! Rachel Hamm if that happened to you, you should seek assistance immediately! That sounds really scary.!
    In cases like this, a regular doctor probably won’t be able to help you. You need to find a local curandera who can help you.
    If you are having these visions, you are having big problems!

    Liked by 4 people

  6. osirisopto says:

    I’m glad I’m not the one who will be charged with looking in her basement.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Redhand says:

    This dip needs a rest in a padded room.

    “Dip” as in dipshit?

    WTF has happened to this Country that lunatics like this have a real chance to get elected to public office? Effing unbelievable.

    Liked by 1 person

    • TheOtherHank says:

      To be fair, she’s running in California. Our Republicans pride themselves on being the craziest rats in the shithouse. She might get the most votes for a Republican in the primary, but I would be surprised if she has the second highest total. Remember, we have jungle primaries here, so the two highest vote getters across all candidates in the primary go to the general election in November.

      Like

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