News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News

“oops,” said Internet power-user Mark Faceberg.

You wanna Friend Jeebus?

[Facebook] has rolled out a new prayer request feature, a tool embraced by some religious leaders as a cutting-edge way to engage the faithful online. Others are eyeing it warily as they weigh its usefulness against the privacy and security concerns they have with Facebook.

And you’ll never guess who is one of the early adopters!

The Rev. Robert Jeffress of First Baptist Church in Dallas, a Southern Baptist megachurch, was among the pastors enthusiastically welcoming of the prayer feature.

“Facebook and other social media platforms continue to be tremendous tools to spread the Gospel of Christ and connect believers with one another — especially during this pandemic,” he said. “While any tool can be misused, I support any effort like this that encourages people to turn to the one true God in our time of need.”

Gotta give these grifters credit: they can spot a rube a mile away. You say I’m being cynical (again)?

Under its data policy, Facebook uses the information it gathers in a variety of ways, including to personalize advertisements. But the company says advertisers are not able to use a person’s prayer posts to target ads.

And I am the Czar of all the Russias.

Monetize Everything

Look, you want to pray for a cure for your stinky feet, be my guest, and let’s see how long before Odor Eaters are in your sidebar everywhere you go on the innernets.

Expose that you have a sick loved one, and boom! The sympathy card bidness is letting everyone you know that they can send a card to you. And so on. It’s not always about the user; it’s often about who knows the user.

I think you can see how this could go wrong, completely wrong, very fast. People turn to prayer in their most vulnerable moments, and that Facebook would want to take advantage of those moments for profit is really repellant.

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13 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. M. Bouffant says:

    Not long until the flock is worshipping a Robot Gawd.

    (That Zuckerberg feller’s about halfway into the Uncanny Valley himself.)

    Beyond funny/stupid, an obvious pandering to the Xian Nationalists. Zucky must be running scared.)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. genelms says:

    So many narcissistic sociopaths like Zuckerberg around you really start to wonder if there is something in the water.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. roket says:

    Popcorn!! Get your popcorn here!! This has the potential of being extremely good. You can bet there’s a conspiracy theory in there somewhere. Up to and including numerology and bible verses.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. And I am the Czar of all the Russias.

    Oh crap, and I’ve been addressing you wrong all this time!

    Ваше Императорское Величество, Tengrain!

    Liked by 2 people

  5. pagan in repose says:

    It’s been said, many times, many ways, merry christ…It is all about the MONEY! And who can make the biggest pile EVAR! …mas to you…This would be the great big finish if I had the band.


  6. beckymaenot says:

    Wow- does the request for prayer include all religions or just for the whiny face-book Christofacists? Like- can I get a shout out to the FSM- I am slap out of pappardelle and need some divine intervention.


    • Professor Pupdog says:

      How about a prayer that Elohim send a champion to slay (just about any of those numbnuts) followed by a rush of “likes”? I guess that would be one way to find out if anybody’s listening.


  7. sleeve98 says:

    This is hardly surprising; to the parasite, everything is food.

    “…that Facebook would want to take advantage of those moments for profit is really repellant.”
    “‘Repellant?'” This is weak. It’s more like in the “The Fisher King” in which studio exec John DeLancie pitches a new sitcom about the homeless, and the show’s ostensible star Jack is so revolted he has to run and vomit. What’s the adjective for that?


  8. Bruce388 says:

    “…spread the Gospel of Christ…” Trust me, Robert, we’ve heard plenty about the Gospel of Christ.


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