Miller: ‘Buy Me A Peanut and Some Crackers, Jack’

Pee Wee Hermann Goering (image credit: Twitter)

Hair Füror’s Pocket Nazi, Steven ‘Pee-Wee Himmler’ Miller is a fan of America’s Favorite Pastime, you know, the bat game:

“A bat that I have only used on ceremonial occasions at the border,” he did not add.

“Selling the Koufax card financed my first dungeon,” Miller did not wistfully say, “My first victims’ skin is also woven into the fabric of my life.”

Holding back a tear, Miller begins to sing in his scratchy tenor (off-key) Horst-Wessel-Lied as he goose-steps up to an imaginary Home Plate, and then quickly changes songs into Take Me Out To The [pauses for a moment to check notes] Ball Game.

[Anyway, he then transitions gracefully (for him) into agitprop and ¡GASP! politicizing baseball.]

Doesn’t inheritance imply death? Asking for a friend.

“Hair Füror is only allowed to engage in ugly, angry, divisive & vengeful partisan politics (based on a web of outright lies),” Miller angry spat. “We patented it! Pay the fee!”

“Speaking of stitching us together,” Miller said,  “you should see my new couture line in the basement. As soon as they stop screaming, I’ll take you down there,” Miller added ash he twitched while flicking his lips. “You look like a size 16.”

“Many are the days I cherished playing the bat game,” Miller did not say, “I knocked them outta the ball park,” he added with a dreamy, far-away look in his dead eyes.

And with that, he flapped his wings and disappeared into the night.


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11 Responses to Miller: ‘Buy Me A Peanut and Some Crackers, Jack’

  1. Czippie L'Shimp says:

    “…at a crossroads: it can either replace Manfred, or remain the national pastime. It cannot do both”

    HIs logic is fucked up. Well, everything about his existence is fucked up, but his logic is demonstratively fucked up. So, if they replace Manfred, they can no longer be the national pastime, or they can not replace Manfred and remain the national pastime. Correct? Sounds like they’re already on the right track. Well done MLB?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Kiwiwriter says:

      I guess Der Fooey wants the job of MLB Commissioner.

      Then he can ship Shohei Ohtani and Adrian Beltre back where they came from, remove all blacks from the majors, and “unretire” No. 42.


  2. spotthedog says:

    Sorry to hear baseball has been ruined or outlawed or communized or something by the evil scheming satanic libs, but his long string of tweets – about as dull and boring as, well, dare I say it – a baseball game.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. sos says:

    I would have guessed the “fabric of his life” would be white cotton muslin. You know when all of your sheets have eye-holes …

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Buttermilk Sky says:

    Wait — Miller had a father? I thought he was grown in a lab.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. osirisopto says:

    I think the MLB hit a nerve.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Baseball is the American Sport

    Well that would surprise the hell out of all those Korean/Japanes/Cubam/Nicarauguan/Taiwanese/etc etc etc teams.

    Alos they play Blame Canada ‘O Canada’ and fly the Red Maple Leaf of Socialism at Montreal games, yah hoser.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Kiwiwriter says:

      Not to mention the Dutch, Italian, Israeli, British, Chinese, Australian, Venezuelan, Panamanian, and even South African teams.

      And the toughest softball team I ever saw: A collection of Maori New Zealanders led by a female manager who was charming off the field and the second coming of Leo Durocher on it. They were taught the game by Mormon missionaries (Lord knows why), and took to it.

      The manager and her crew had never seen a real MLB game. This was before New Zealand got satellite TV. One of my many life regrets is that she never came over for dinner and to watch my highlight tape of the 1996 World Series.


  7. Sirius Lunacy says:

    Ah yes, sounds somewhat familiar… Oh, now I remember…
    Branch Rickey was pressured into signing Jackie Robinson by those dirty leftist liberals and if baseball doesn’t get rid of both of them it will never again be ‘America’s game’.


  8. Kiwiwriter says:

    I’m sure every member of the Republican Party except ONE is still annoyed at Rickey and Robinson.

    The only one who isn’t is Bob Dole. In 1996, when he ran for President, he tried to portray himself as an underdog and noted that “Hideo Nomo pitched a no-hitter for the Brooklyn Dodgers last night,” and he would do the same.

    Jay Leno noted that evening that the Dodgers have played more games in Los Angeles than in Brooklyn, but more importantly, Dole was probably wondering, “How come Jackie Robinson isn’t playing second base?”


  9. roket says:

    Nice try batboy. Canceling the woke is futile, brah.


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