Happy Hour News
As everyone knows, when you want to beat a rap, you write an ope-ed for the 12 readers of
the MooneyTimes, er, in the Washington Examiner, which is exactly what Matt “I AM NOT A MONK” Gaetz did. And it includes the following mandatory, carefully parsed phraseology:
“Since I’m taking my turn under the gun, let me address the allegations against me directly. First, I have never, ever paid for sex. And second, I, as an adult man, have not slept with a 17-year-old.”
“She wasn’t 17 yet! Hiii-OOOOO!,” Gaetz didn’t bellow. “No one,” Gaetz did not add, “was sleeping, if you know what I mean, bruh! Beers at Squi’s house,” he did not yell at Kavanaugh, charging at him for a chest bump.