PizzaGaetz, Cont.

Hey guys, did you hear that the Justice Department has been investigating human-sized bobblehead Matt Gaetz and his buddy former Floriduh politician Joel Greenberg —who is currently facing at least 33 federal charges— over cash payments they made (ALLEGEDLY!) to women they recruited on the internet for sex?

It’s True!

Gaetz and Greenberg (worst crime duo since Lex Luther and Otis)  made some of those payments on Cash App(!) and Apple Pay(!!), and the NYTimes have the receipts. Investigators are also looking into whether Gaetz had sex with a 17-year-old girl and—oh, you know— whether he illegally used campaign funds to play slap-and-tickle with the kiddies.

But wait! There’s More (there’s always more with this mook): Gaetz —who brought up Hunter Biden’s drug addiction during the recent impeachment hearings and who wants Floridians on public assistance to get drug tested— was taking ecstasy while, um, chillin’ with the sex workers maybe on our dime.

Gaetz denies everything, of course, in the best way by Bob-Dole’ing his denial:

…and then his Comms director quit, and I don’t blame him after that bit of epistolary.

Brave, brave House Minority Leader K-Mac says he will kick Gaetz off of his committees if he gets indicted, and Fox News has pretty much memory-holed him (is too a vurb!). We are waiting for the Q-Spiracists (who are oddly silent NOW to kiddie-diddling accusations of a government person) to release a statement.

And I think that brings us up to date as of this post, but it will probably be updated before the day is out because Gaetz is a terrible human being.

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20 Responses to PizzaGaetz, Cont.

  1. Jimmy T says:

    Liked by 4 people

  2. roket says:

    I blame Liz Cheney.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Martin Pollard says:

    Extra bonus NoPrize points for the Superman reference. It’s easy to chuckle at the bumbling, over-the-top portrayal of Lex Luthor and his hench(wo)men in those films, but if I’m not mistaken, that’s more or less where comics were at at that point in time; things wouldn’t take a More Serious Turn until The Dark Knight Returns shattered comic complacency and dragged them into the Desert of the Real. Goofy Lex Luthor would never fly today (probably why Kevin Spacey’s homage to that Luthor in Superman Returns fell flat) unless the over-the-top-ness (is too a word!) was shown as a personality quirk hiding true psychopathy (looking at you, Jesse Eisenberg).

    Liked by 1 person

  4. sos says:

    Since Swinging-Gaetz says he “…looks forward to marrying the love of his life…”

    My money is on the dark horse, Nestor! *

    Once Matt-a-boi is out of the joint of course.

    Liked by 3 people

  5. Dennis Cole says:

    As Jim Wright over at Stonekettle station is wont to say, “He’s the perfect representative for this area of Florida, as his constituents live and behave almost exactly as he does…”

    Liked by 5 people

  6. ali redford says:

    When I read that statement last night, the first thing I wondered was which allegations Matt Gaetz considers disgusting. I believe that’s an important detail.

    Liked by 5 people

  7. w3ski4me says:

    So where is “q”? They want to be the moral scolds of our time, yet they are strangely silent about one of their own. Do I detect the stench of hypocrisy in their actions? No, tell me it cannot be! Surely they’d be on the case of a Rethug pedophile as fast or faster than a Democrat.
    Perhaps it finally be time for q to shut the F up.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Big Bad bald Bastard says:

    “Hey, does plying underage girls with drugs count as paying them?”

    Liked by 2 people

  9. MDavis says:

    I find it disturbing that he went right to “I never paid for sex!!!”
    I can’t tell if that is what he thinks is the problem. or if he is trying to deflect from worse violations.
    I mean, is he claiming he was just transporting the girls across state lines without paying them? Does he count buying them dinner? Is he a GTA aficionado who thinks it’s hilarious to do the prostitutes and then beat them up rather than paying them? Seriously, there are so many ways this can be awful, and this guy is capable of multi-tasking his way into being ALL the awful.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Wesley Sandel says:

    Matt Gaetz has never had sex without either drugging and rapping a woman or paying for it – or both. It’s a chronic Republican disorder.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Bruce388 says:

    Nice Bob Dole reference, TG.


    • tengrain says:

      I used to howl with delight whenever Bob Dole would talk about Bob Dole in the third person. It has stayed with me all these years. I’ve never heard anything like it… until now.




  12. Astamari says:

    Is the love of his life to which he refers poor little Nestor? Inquiring minds, etc.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Buttermilk Sky says:

    He actually published a book last fall praising trump for ending the “family man” era in the White House and ushering in a time of unbridled whoopee. This guy doesn’t know when to shut up.

    Liked by 1 person

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