Hey guys, did you hear that the Justice Department has been investigating
human-sized bobblehead Matt Gaetz and his buddy former Floriduh politician Joel Greenberg —who is currently facing at least 33 federal charges— over cash payments they made (ALLEGEDLY!) to women they recruited on the internet for sex?
Gaetz and Greenberg (worst crime duo since Lex Luther and Otis) made some of those payments on Cash App(!) and Apple Pay(!!), and the NYTimes have the receipts. Investigators are also looking into whether Gaetz had sex with a 17-year-old girl and—oh, you know— whether he illegally used campaign funds to play slap-and-tickle with the kiddies.
But wait! There’s More (there’s always more with this mook): Gaetz —who brought up Hunter Biden’s drug addiction during the recent impeachment hearings and who wants Floridians on public assistance to get drug tested— was taking ecstasy while, um, chillin’ with the sex workers maybe on our dime.
Gaetz denies everything, of course, in the best way by Bob-Dole’ing his denial:
…and then his Comms director quit, and I don’t blame him after that bit of epistolary.
Brave, brave House Minority Leader K-Mac says he will kick Gaetz off of his committees if he gets indicted, and Fox News has pretty much memory-holed him (is too a vurb!). We are waiting for the Q-Spiracists (who are oddly silent NOW to kiddie-diddling accusations of a government person) to release a statement.
And I think that brings us up to date as of this post, but it will probably be updated before the day is out because Gaetz is a terrible human being.