News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News

“You assholes do know you’re not wearing gloves, right?”

Guys, it was a year ago TO THE DAY that Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear, self-proclaimed prophet Cindy Jacob nasally brayed to the world that she was taking authority over the Trump Virus and declared it illegal and ordered it to cease world-wide in the name of Jeebus:

Soooo… how’s that workin’ out for ya, Cindy?

This entry was posted in Blog Against Theocracy, Cindy Jacobs, Jump for Jeebus, Pandemics, Theocrats. Bookmark the permalink.

20 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Cindy checks her bank account…”Doin just fine Boss!”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Jimmy T says:

      Yeah, Dark Side of the Moon was probably their best ever album. But I was still in my hippy daze, so there was the fact that I was Stoned a lot. When the Wall came out I had already mostly moved beyond with my life but damn, when I saw the Movie (with a bunch of acid heads in the audience) I was amazed…

      Liked by 3 people

      • E.A. Blair says:

        Someone once asked me if I could only have one Pink Floyd album (not including “Best Of”compilations) which one it would be. Without hesitating, I came back with Meddle. It was their last pre-Dark Side album, so it showed all their talent before they got pretentious. But, then, I was listening to them all the way back in the Syd Barrett days. Who needed drugs? The music was a trip all by itself. I have to admit, though, that you really have to see their Pompeii film to appreciate all of Echoes.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sirius Lunacy says:

        You don’t need drugs to fully appreciate Pink Floyd!

        But you need Pink Floyd to fully appreciate drugs.

        Liked by 1 person

    • purplehead says:

      That base line. I love that base line.

      Liked by 1 person

    • beckymaenot says:

      ^^^^^https://youtu.be/y8hcfTFVJ9k

      Like

  2. Oneofthebobs says:

    Just because it didn’t work out that way, doesn’t mean that she was wrong. Right?

    Liked by 2 people

  3. CalicoJack says:

    Oh my goodness, y’all!

    Those intercessors just work slowly. Obv, amirite? And, you can SEE it in action: the variants! Eventually, the virus will mutate to the extent that it will be a DIFFERENT virus. It is like all those genie granting wishes movies. The wish you get always bites you in the ass somehow. This ain’t no different. She did it. She got the intercessors to make the virus illegal and halt it worldwide. It just ain’t in the way you thought it would be. Amirite or amirite? I’m right, right?

    Oh, ye of little faith.

    Huzzah!
    Jack

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Osirisopto says:

    I hope she does better spells that that punk hair lady.

    Shell talk the daemons to death

    Like

  5. Dennis Cole says:

    A man is walking in solitude upon a beach in No. CA, when he stubs his toe on a bottle half-buried in the sand. When he bends over to pick it up and examine it, he notices it appears to be quite ancient, so he begins wiping some of the accumulated grime off with a shirt-sleeve, when “Whoosh!” a genie appears in a cloud of smoke.
    The man is flabbergasted that genies DO actually exist, but before he can utter a word, the genie pops up with “Hey, pal; listen up close! I run a low-budget operation around here, so all I can offer you is just one single wish. So think long long, and think hard, and you better make it a good one.”

    The man takes a few minutes, to consider what’s the ONE thing he’d like most out of life.
    “OK, Mr genie, I’ve got it. All my life I’ve wanted to go to Hawaii, but I get seasick just looking at the huge cruise ships parked at the dock, and I’m scared to death of flying. I wish you would build me a bridge to Hawaii.”

    The genie looks at him as if he’s gone quite insane, and begins lambasting the poor guy: “A BRIDGE!?!?!?!?!? To HAWAII?!?!?!?! Do have any idea how far away that is? How deep the Pacific Ocean is? And you expect me to sink pilings, and build a roadbed, just so you can drive to Hawaii?!?! And where do expect to stop for gas? Naw, forget it, pal, you ain’t gettin no bridge, but I will give you one more chance.”

    So the man thinks long and hard again, and comes up with his final request: “Mr. Genie, all my life I’ve had nothin but problems with women. That whole dating thing in high school & college was just one big fiasco after another, and I’ve been married and divorced 5 times since then…………I just wish I could understand women.”

    The genie looks down at the sand, shakes his head slightly, and says to the man, “So; this bridge. One lane gonna be alright, or do ya need 2?”

    Liked by 3 people

    • Jimmy T says:

      That’s pretty good Dennis. I got one for you…

      A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”

      Liked by 2 people

      • E.A. Blair says:

        How about this one: A man acquired a genie and was told that he was entitled to a wish, but there were three rules: no death wishes, no love spells and no resurrecting the dead. So the man said, “I want envelopes to moan erotically when I lick them.” The genie glared at him and said, “Okay, there are four rules…”

        Liked by 3 people

    • Dennis Cole says:

      I’m kinda surprised no one caught my (swidt?) in that joke, when the genie was coercing him into thinking “long and hard.”

      Or maybe I’VE been thinking too long and hard.

      Like

  6. Richard Portman says:

    What happened with that pink hair lady? The one who saw an abundance of rain? The one who went to Heaven and saw Jesus and touched his hair? Wasn’t she a spiritual advisor to the White House?
    What happened with her?

    Like

    • E.A. Blair says:

      If you’re talking about Paula White, who became Trump’s closest spiritual advisor and head of the “Faith and Opportunity Initiative”, her exploits are frequently reported on (and made fun of in the comments) at The Friendly Atheist. Or did you mean Kat Kerr, who claims that, in heaven, cows drive tractors, there are cities made of Jell-O™ and that god keeps a warehouse of spare organs for transplants, she gets the same treatment there. Both women are Fux News Blondes, but Kerr has pink highlights.

      Like

      • Richard Portman says:

        Thanks. I was talking about Paula White. I wasn’t aware of Kat Kerr, and prefer to remain in ignorance.

        Like

  7. Ten Bears says:

    During my short experimentation with Zuckerberg’s Famous Pig, that graphic, and caption, got me red-flagged for “hate speech”. ‘Course posting a graphic of a Confederate flag labeled a 19th century symbol of hate and bigotry, a NAZI flag labeled 20th century symbol of hate and bigotry and a MAGAt hat labeled 21st century symbol of hate and bigotry got me red-flagged for “hate speech”. Twice. So, maybe what we should do is encourage ArKansas GQP Attorney General’s suit against their censoring of our first amendment right to express ourselves. Knock out two lights with one bullet: make a meme of it turning it back in the the repubes’ faces and fuck with zuck.

    Like

  8. sos says:

    Soooo… how’s that workin’ out for ya, Cindy?

    Please speak slowly and directly into the ventilator.

    Liked by 1 person

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