(UPDATED) Today In Stupid Coup News

H/T Scissorhead Skinny-D

Yesterday, Capitol Police said that they had obtained intelligence of a credible threat to breach the Capitol today, prompting the House to cancel today’s session.

As we know, the QAnon super big-brain trust have latched onto March 4 as the date that Prznint Stupid will be inaugurated as the 19th president (following President Ulysses S. Grant, who was according to them, the last legally elected president; no word on whether or not Grant will attend the festivities) —based on their superior understanding of Constitutional history and  logic too sophisticated for me to understand.

The FBI said that the potential attack could involve the Three Percenters  whose name is “based on the myth that only three percent of American colonists took up arms against the British during the American Revolution. ” The 3%ers “regard the present-day U.S. Government as analogous to the British” during the Revolutionary War, so you see that they have all the legal grounds covered for another revolution. In other words, you cannot have an insurrection against a country that doesn’t exist? Something like that? I told you that they were thinkier than us!

But I digest…

Anway both the DHS and the FBI said that domestic terrorists had discussed plans to “remove Democratic lawmakers,” hence the House taking off to let the Senate Republicans deal with their own Patriots again.

In related news, the Q-Shaman Dude haz a sad:

“I honestly believed and still believe that [Hair Füror] cares about the Constitution, that he cares about the American people, and that’s also why and you know it wounded me so deeply and why it disappointed me so greatly that I and others did not get a pardon.”

UPDATE 1: The Daily Beast tell us that there are mitigating factors that we were not aware of:

“I sang a song, and that’s a part of shamanism, it’s about creating positive vibrations in a sacred chamber. I also stopped people from stealing and vandalizing that sacred space, the Senate. I actually stopped people from stealing muffins out of the break room.

Well, OK then.

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24 Responses to (UPDATED) Today In Stupid Coup News

  1. it wounded me so deeply and why it disappointed me so greatly that I and others did not get a pardon.

    Cue up the Grand International Symphony of the Smallest Violins….

    [stirring, swelling symphonic music starts up….RECORD SCRATCH]

    Excuse me, I meant to say ‘Sad Trombone’

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Kiwiwriter says:

    I’m kind of hoping Grant shows up. He’s my favorite American, and I’ve always wanted to see him on nationwide TV. LOLOLOLOL

    Liked by 2 people

  3. spotthedog says:

    I am continually amazed that so many wingnuts, GQPers, MAGAts, insurrectionists, The Former Guy, whatever etc., consider themselves and others of their ilk experts on the US Constitution.
    Barack Obama taught Constitutional Law at U of Chicago Law School for years. I expect my amazement on this matter to continue indefinitely.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Kiwiwriter says:

      They all studied the Constitution at home-school.

      Tragically, they were kicked out of it when they were caught passing a note to their fellow student that said, “That lady teacher sure is hot!”

      Liked by 3 people

    • Yeah but they all know the real YEW ESS Constitumashun not the Corporation one Obummer taught to the sheeples.

      Liked by 2 people

  4. sos says:

    I was of the understanding that law enforcement intelligence of this nature was unpossible for the Capitol Police to obtain.

    ” … why it disappointed me so greatly that I and others did not get a pardon.”

    And why it’s so schadenfreudelicious for us real patriotic Americans.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. spotthedog says:

    To Chansley; you’re obviously Antifa dude, no way could The Former Guy even consider pardoning you!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’ve checked all the channels, I can’t find anyone carrying the @RealInauguration!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. sos says:

    They may take our sacred chambers, but they will never take our MUFFINS!

    Liked by 5 people

  8. osirisopto says:

    New headline:

    Useful Idiot Discovers He’s An Idiot.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. Ralph Wiggam says:

    “only three percent of American colonists took up arms” and they were the Liberals. The conservatives fought for the crown. So now are the conservatives pretending to be liberal? My brain hurts.

    Liked by 5 people

  10. Kiwiwriter says:

    He reminds me of how there were no Nazis in Germany…after V-E Day.

    And they all had Jewish friends they tried to sve.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Ed says:

    I know what this asshole needs…


  12. Sirius Lunacy says:

    “following President Ulysses S. Grant, who was according to them, the last legally elected president”
    So, what they’re saying is that LDN was never legally elected. Well I feel better knowing that Trump was never actually President.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Wesley Sandel says:

    Intimidation and assassination is the GOP strategy to rule in perpetuity, just like the Nazi Party.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Stephen Cochranesi says:

    The ‘Bison Headdress Guy’ content starts at 3:40

    [Tengrain was here and set the timer! Also: This is really fun! Thanks!]

    Liked by 2 people

  15. roket says:

    ‘Pardon Me’ boy, is this the Guantanamo Choo Choo?


  16. MDavis says:

    He thought the press was picking on donald – just like he was picked on in school.
    That dude was cult bait, especially with a mom who, rather than simply helping him deal with reality and defending him when appropriate, seems to think his poop smells of roses.
    I saw part of an interview with her, but couldn’t get past the part where she was saying “he went through an open door, he was escorted into the capitol building, I don’t see where he did anything wrong.”
    Cult bait, baby. Gotta be special, gotta feel special, gotta have someone in authority protecting him from the consequences of his own actions.


    • Wesley Sandel says:

      The appropriate thing to say would have been, “He’s not right, in the head. He’s never been right. I take care of him. He’s not responsible for his own actions.”


  17. pagan in repose says:

    “Girl you thought he was a man but he was a muffin. No sound was heard in the night as a result of him stuffin.”
    “Muffin Man” Frank Zappa


Comments are closed.