The former First Shady Ivanka Trump called Sen. Marco Rubio to let him know that she was not going to primary him, afterall, which must be a big relief considering what few skills Marco has, you know, to actually earn a living.
“I am incredibly grateful to Ivanka for her friendship and support,” said Rubio. “The challenges working moms and dads face in today’s economy are real, and Ivanka was a formidable and effective advocate for them.”
“I’m also grateful that she isn’t challenging me because, boy-howdy, would she kick my ass here in Floriduh,” Marco didn’t add. “Oops.”
“Marco has been a tremendous advocate for working families, a good personal friend, and I know he will continue to drive meaningful progress on issues we both care deeply about,” said Ivanka Trump.
“Small, unmarked, non-sequential bills, capiche?,” Ivanka didn’t whisper through the Botox. “Mama bought a $30M empty lot and needs a new yoga studio,” she didn’t reply.