Hey guys, did you hear that Lord Damp Nut lost the election back in November? It’s true! And so today’s drama —the Stupid Coup— is brought to us by the Republicans and it is really more about 2024 than it is about 2020, go figure.
Anyway, our walking termite buffet/VP Mike Pence finally gets a starring role, as he is the MC of today’s drama. Presiding over the vote is Pence’s constitutional duty, but it will make Trump mad. A real Lady or the Tiger moment, if you happen to be a suck-up with no core beliefs beyond wanting to be the eventual 2024 Goat Rodeo nominee. (Cue-up Mother Pence: “The TIGER, you asshole! No ladies for you!”)
Today Mother’s Little-est Helper will preside over Congress’s official certification of the election results —a Kabuki role. Prznit Stupid thinks it makes Pence the host of The Apprentice and that he can do whatever he wants, you know, in servitude to his Lord And
Festivus Airing of Grievances, er, Rally in Georgia on Monday night, Prznint Stupid cranked the pressure to 11 for Pence to unilaterally steal the election for him with an airy, you know, lighthearted threat: “I hope that Mike Pence comes through for us, I have to tell you…Of course, if he doesn’t come through, I won’t like him quite as much.”
“How exactly does Pence ‘come through’” you ask?
Fact check: No.
Also: They weren’t fraudulently chosen, Biff.
In the melted swiss cheese of his degenerate brain Trump believes that Pence can refuse to recognize enough electoral votes that neither candidate reaches 270, and turn the election over to the House, who would immediately declare him Presidente el Magnifico for Life.
Team Evil plans to have a House member and Senator object to the electoral vote count in Arizona, Georgia, and Pennsylvania, with each joint objection forcing a debate of up to two hours.
There are a bonkers dozen* GOP senators who have pledged to support the sedition. The attempt to overthrow the election results will be defeated, but a damning new precedent will have been set.
UPDATE 1: Politico gives us their names:
THE SENATE GOP WHIP COUNT:
-The 13 senators are planning to contest the election certification: Sens. Josh Hawley, Ted Cruz, Marsha Blackburn, Mike Braun, Steve Daines, Ron Johnson, John Kennedy, James Lankford, Bill Hagerty, Cynthia Lummis, Roger Marshall, Tommy Tuberville, and Kelly Loeffler
-The 14 Republican senators to watch, who have not said publicly what they will do: Sens. Marco Rubio, Lindsey Graham, Dan Sullivan, Joni Ernst, Chuck Grassley, Rick Scott, Jim Risch, Mike Crapo, Todd Young, Rand Paul, Cindy Hyde Smith, Deb Fischer, Thom Tillis, John Barrasso
-The 24 GOP senators who will vote to certify Biden’s election win: Sens. Mitch McConnell, John Thune, John Cornyn, Richard Burr, Richard Shelby, Susan Collins, Roy Blunt, Rob Portman, Pat Toomey, Lisa Murkowski, Mitt Romney, Shelley Moore Capito, Tom Cotton, Ben Sasse, Bill Cassidy, Roger Wicker, Mike Rounds, Kevin Cramer, John Hoeven, Mike Lee, Jim Inhofe, Tim Scott, Jerry Moran, John Boozman
-An estimated 140 House Republicans — if not more — are expected to participate in the anti-certification effort
*Hat tip: Scissorhead Martin Pollard