Happy Hour News
Instead of Doom Scrolling, today’s happy hour news is from the always-delightful Vanity Fair:
For four years, together and alone, we’ve quietly authored our own endings to the Trumpian roller coaster, whether in a week or another 100 years. Here, in part one of two, writers, poets, and politicos—from Adam McKay to Alexander Chee to Eileen Myles—weigh in with ideas of their own.
And they’re off:
Tom Perrotta, novelist, author of The Leftovers, Election, and Mrs. Fletcher
EXT. WHITE HOUSE LAWN—DAY
A helicopter waits on the lawn, its rotors turning lazily.
INT. OVAL OFFICE—CONTINUOUS
CLOSE ON: A half-eaten cheeseburger on a presidential plate
PULL BACK TO REVEAL: Trump sits at the big desk, a cloth napkin tucked into his shirt collar, while a Secret Service agent in a face mask waits in the doorway.
Some are longer, some are shorter, I laughed out loud at a couple of them. Scaramucci’s in particular at just one paragraphs is a lesson in stripping a story down to its essence:
As the results come in on Election Night, it becomes clear that Vice President Biden has won in a landslide. Trump becomes overcome with fear about going to prison for his multitude of crimes. He tries to hide under the Resolute Desk, but he doesn’t fit. Thus, he retreats to the White House bunker, where he stays until Biden’s inauguration. When Trump refuses to leave the bunker, aides coax him out with a Big Mac® combo meal. With his personal plane repossessed by his creditors, he’s forced to take a Greyhound bus down to Mar-a-Lago. He lives out his days tweeting furiously between rounds of golf and bingo.
There’s 19 more. Have fun!