Totally Sane Michael Caputo Will Find The Strawberries

Mental Health

The smug mug of Michael ‘White Like Me’ Caputo

Guys, remember this nice man? You know, the guy who said that “‘the coronavirus was because “millions of Chinese suck the blood out of rabid bats as an appetizer and eat the ass out of anteaters.’” You know, the top spokesperson for the Department of Health and Human Services, Michael Caputo?

The NYTimes reports that Caputo claimed that there is a resistance unit of seditious scientists (which is my new garage band name!) at the CDC who are set out to undermine Hair Füror:

Michael R. Caputo, the assistant secretary of public affairs at the Department of Health and Human Services, accused the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention of harboring a “resistance unit” determined to undermine President Trump, even if that opposition bolsters the Covid-19 death toll. Mr. Caputo, who has faced intense criticism for leading efforts to warp C.D.C. weekly bulletins to fit Mr. Trump’s pandemic narrative, suggested that he personally could be in danger from opponents of the administration. “If you carry guns, buy ammunition, ladies and gentlemen, because it’s going to be hard to get,” he urged his followers.

C.D.C. scientists “haven’t gotten out of their sweatpants except for meetings at coffee shops” to plot “how they’re going to attack Donald Trump next,” Mr. Caputo said. “There are scientists who work for this government who do not want America to get well, not until after Joe Biden is president.” … Mr. Caputo predicted that the president would win re-election in November, but that his Democratic opponent, Joseph R. Biden Jr., would refuse to concede, leading to violence. “And when Donald Trump refuses to stand down at the inauguration, the shooting will begin,” he said. “The drills that you’ve seen are nothing.”

Caputo also complains that he is being attacked by the media, and said that his “mental health has definitely failed” (Fact check: TRUE!) and says that he personally is in grave danger:

“You understand that they’re going to have to kill me, and unfortunately, I think that’s where this is going.”

Get off the cross, someone else needs the wood, Pity Boy.

But wait! There’s more!

Caputo and another political appointee Paul Alexander had pushed CDC officials to alter language in the agency’s weekly scientific reports on the Trump-Virus so that it wouldn’t undermine Prznint Stupid’s claims that everything was peachy keen.

“Our intention is to make sure that evidence, science-based data drives policy through this pandemic — not ulterior deep state motives in the bowels of CDC.”

I don’t want to think about anyone’s bowels, but he is nutso.

In a normal world, Caputo’s boss would demand his resignation, but because we now live in Opposite World, instead we get this:

“Mr. Caputo is a critical, integral part of the president’s coronavirus response, leading on public messaging as Americans need public health information to defeat the Covid-19 pandemic.”

This entry was posted in Conspiracy Theorists, Michael Caputo, Pandemics, racism, White Punks on Dope. Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Totally Sane Michael Caputo Will Find The Strawberries

  1. StringOnAStick says:

    The “resistance unit” that he saw in the org chart for the CDC is the group working on the problem of antibiotic resistance. Fucking moron.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. roket says:

    Needs a soundtrack:

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Wesley Sandel says:

    The evil scientists are using facts and reality to attack Trump’s beautiful fantasy!

    Liked by 2 people

  4. MDavis says:

    Oh Christ It’s “This Asshole Again”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. sos says:

    Wait, everything was peachy keen is a typo! It was supposed to state everything was bleachy kleen. You know, after you drink the Clorox.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Infidel753 says:

    So now we have an ignoramus in a position of power attacking scientists for refusing to twist their conclusions to fit the official mandatory dogma. It’s straight out of the Dark Ages.


  7. Dennis Cole says:

    A recent poll showed that your average American is becoming so confused by the different disinformation campaigns that they’ll be reluctant to try ANY vaccine that comes out, until it’s proven safe & effective on other folks. LOTS of other folks. Hard to blame them, when so many of our “Leaders” lie so often and effectively.


  8. MDavis says:

    Well, that didn’t take long. He’s apologized. Sort of.

    “Mr. Caputo, a Trump ally and former Republican strategist, told HHS Secretary Alex Azar and HHS staff that he regretted that the video had reflected poorly on the department, according to a person familiar with the matter.”

    The article says he has also deleted his FB and twitter accounts.


  9. Ava Middleton says:

    This. Motherfucker.

    Liked by 1 person

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