Friday Night Tales of Terror Await!

Pee Wee Hermann Goering (image credit: Twitter)

Guys, if you want a creepy, scary story to read around the campfire on a Friday Night, Vanity Fair has you covered:


It was a Sunday in mid-February at the Trump International Hotel. The whole gang was there: Mick Mulvaney, Reince Priebus, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, Mike Pence, and yes, the Big Man himself. POTUS had flown in from Daytona Beach just in time for the party, hilariously complaining in his toast about having been inconvenienced by the groom, Stephen Miller: “He is the only one who could have a damn wedding in the middle of Presidents’ Day weekend. I’m sure it didn’t affect anybody here.” The rabbi was an adviser to the ambassador to Israel, and there was an Elvis impersonator. This may not have been every girl’s dream wedding, but for the bride, Katie Waldman, it was perfect. Stephen, 34, and Katie, 28, had fallen in love—as young people do—while figuring out how to separate children from their parents at the border. Now, thanks to Katie, Stephen was officially off the market. It didn’t throw her that half the country was blasting him as a white nationalist due to a recent cache of leaked emails, or that one chunk of his family had disowned him. No, this was the “perfect day,” Katie tweeted, and Stephen Miller, “the perfect man.”

To those in the public who didn’t know much about the bride, the whole thing was amazing. Not only had Stephen found a human woman to marry, but Katie, as the pictures showed, was pretty, with a warm, vivacious smile. Stephen, by contrast, cut a villainous figure. Cartoonishly so, like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons—with an orb-like forehead, funneling into a long, pale face; mistrusting, soulless eyes; and a petulant lower lip. Rarely has a face been such an apt illustration of the person inside.

As the president’s most determined, unwavering adviser on any single topic, he has crafted, with considerable success, the most punishing immigration policies in modern U.S. history—from the Muslim ban to the family-separation policy and every measure in between. He has been the draftsman behind Trump’s darkest rhetoric. Unlike so many other White House officials who resigned or were pushed out, he has not only survived, he’s thrived. Protecting America from immigrants has been his single passion. “This is all I care about,” he told colleagues last year. “I don’t have a family. I don’t have anything else. This is my life.” And now Stephen, who had gone without romance most of his life, had found love.


Anyway, Scissorhead Purplehead and I have been reading it in snippets, because it is too gruesome to consume whole.

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9 Responses to Friday Night Tales of Terror Await!

  1. Jesus, they’re gonna have to stuff that issue with like three times the number of perfume inserts to de-stank it from that story (we get the dead-tree version of VF)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. laura says:

    Fervently hoping that they each experience the totality of the horror they have unleashed on others. Bleak, soul crushing terror, inability to control the circumstances they so richly earned. Pants shitting fear.
    And when this administration ends, the first fucking sunday show host that schedules either of them ……Jake/Chuck/George/Chris…looking straight at you.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. sos says:

    pretty, with a warm, vivacious smile
    And a soul as black as coal

    This is one for the ages to be sure.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Dennis Cole says:

    Funny, but it doesn’t sound to me like much of a hateful place. They got such a loving, warm, vivacious ceremony & reception, it was almost tangible. (Or is that the horrid color tRump applies to his face with a putty knife? Tangerine horrible!)

    Oh, wait………you’re referring to the whole entire REST of America, aren’t you! Yes, then they quite certainly ARE in the midst of a MOST hateful place.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. julesmomcat says:



  6. Perturbation says:

    I just threw up in my mouth a little.
    [checks contents of mask]
    Make that a lot.


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