Local Man Sends Regrets

A gifted, natural athlete (sadly afflicted with bone spurs), Lord Damp Nut has regretfully backed out of throwing the first pitch at a Yankees game next month, saying, you know, that his heavy coronavirus workload is keeping him from the honor, which is odd because it has not made a freaking dent in his golf schedule.

Which is SAD! because in a stadium full of cardboard cut-outs of fans, there would be no one to heckle him as he waddles to the mound, teetering in his 3-inch lifts, to lob the first pitch, and then having some general help him off the mound. There is some low speculation that the potential of heckler is why he never has accepted the honor. Shocking, I know.

But the REAL story is pretty funny:

“‘Randy Levine is a great friend of mine from the Yankees,’ Mr. Trump, referring to the president of the baseball team, told reporters on Thursday as Dr. Fauci was preparing to take the mound. ‘And he asked me to throw out the first pitch, and I think I’m doing that on Aug. 15 at Yankee Stadium.’

“There was one problem: Mr. Trump had not actually been invited on that day by the Yankees, according to one person with knowledge of Mr. Trump’s schedule. His announcement surprised both Yankees officials and the White House staff.

“But Mr. Trump had been so annoyed by Dr. Fauci’s turn in the limelight, an official familiar with his reaction said, that he had directed his aides to call Yankees officials and make good on a longtime standing offer from Mr. Levine to throw out an opening pitch. No date was ever finalized.

“After the president’s announcement, White House aides scrambled to let the team know that he was actually booked on Aug. 15, although they have not said what he plans to do. Over the weekend, Mr. Trump officially canceled.”

He got jealous of Dr. Fauci getting the attention. Prznint Stupid is hung like a bee.

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8 Responses to Local Man Sends Regrets

  1. Pingback: Local Man Sends Regrets — Mock Paper Scissors – Know yourself

  2. sos says:

    Geez, it’s a baseball not a wolverine, catch it.

    I swear if LDN’s skin were any thinner it would be inside-out.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. roket says:

    Should we start a pool now for which golf course he will be golfing on 8/15? Asking for a gambling friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Buttermilk Sky says:

    August 15 is a Saturday, so cartoons and hamberders in the Executive Time Official Bedroom, followed by toilet-twitter and a nap. Covid test, call with Hannity, KFC and bed. No time for frivolity.


  5. Sirius Lunacy says:

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Dennis Cole says:

    And here I thought the All-American sport of basa-ball was dead to him, following his viewing of Opening Day, when the SF Giant’s Mgrs and Coaches all took a knee during the anthem, and he claimed he turned the TV off. Could be a “zombie thing,” something that just won’t die, much like the GOP’s seventy-leven attempts to get rid of Obamacare, as Paul Krugman likes to point out.



  7. FELINE MAMA says:

    It’s “LOCO” man. How can one keep vomiting BS out of his facial anus and NOT drown?!?


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