Spin a Funny Yarn in One Sentence

Who wants to play, spin a yarn about something stupid in one sentence? I’ll go first.

  • Katie, it’s spelled coddage cheese.
  • I thought Untouchables was pronounced oon-too-shabl-ays for an obscene amount of time.
  • At Rite-Aid, I was too afraid to pee in the facilities and wound up urinating on myself while walking home.

Your turn. Aaaaand, GO…

 

This entry was posted in snark and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

55 Responses to Spin a Funny Yarn in One Sentence

  1. MDavis says:

    Those little snacks that you pass around and eat before the meal – I called them whores-dee-vores until somone corrected me – Or-derves.
    (My introduction to French pronunciation of words. )

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Dennis Cole says:

    When I was just a lad, my mom would always tell me I could be anyone I wanted to be, when I grew up.
    Well, come to find out, that’s called identity theft, and it’s illegal, but when I tried to explain to all those nice policeman, and that nice judge that it was my own dear mother’s fault that I had somehow veered off into a life of crime, they laughed. So I laughed, too. Wasn’t much else I could do at the time.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. E.A. Blair says:

    When I was still mostly pre-literate, I picked up a nasal inhaler with the brand name of Benzedrex. I knew letters stood for sounds, but I wasn’t yet up on what all the sounds went with which letters. My attempt to pronounce “Benzedrex” somehow came out as “gingurue” (pronounced ging¹-ur-yoo”). For all time, that became the word for inhaler in our family (which got us some strange looks when we asked for one at the drugstore). I must have been very young, since I was able to read newspaper headlines and comic strips on my own when I was 3½.

    ¹ With hard ‘g’ sounds, as in “grape” and the first syllable rhymes with “bring”.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Lsamsa says:

    When I was very young in public school we had a wonderful man as our principal, Mr. Ritchie.
    He was kind, empathetic & quite funny.
    I thought for a while that all principals in all public schools were called ‘Mr. Ritchie’.
    Not for a long time did I think that, but whoa, when I thought back on that (one of those memories that never fades away)…wtf, I’m not a stupid person I’m actually quite smart…seriously? Yup…it’s your quirk…just live with it.
    That’s just one.
    Fun thread.
    Lynda

    Liked by 1 person

  5. sos says:

    Although the mother’s arms may grow to an enormous length; she still will be unable to extract her elephantine baby.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. JTO says:

    Strong European coffee isn’t being ironic about brewing speed or direct delivery. It is pronounced S-Presso. No X
    Minor mistakes can be embarassing, so are Foo Paws,
    No, they do not play football at the hyperbole. Yep, pretty sure you say the last bit as ‘lee.’ Maybe it is different in your native language.
    I DID, in fact, know that England is on an island.
    No, I have never wondered why the Vikings didn’t use trains instead of boats.

    Yet, it is still early in the year, and spring exams haven’t come in yet, so . . . .

    In solidarity, far from the stupidest part of the stupidest country on Earth.
    JTO

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Mr. Egg says:

    I wasn’t looking where I was going and walked into a large moose.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. sleeve98 says:

    Turned on the TV to see a pandemic response update and saw yet another monkey butt bubble blower.

    (I’m not going to look for it, but) We need an animated .gif of that bubble machine in action, hijack CNN’s feed and play it on a loop whenever they try to cover those damned indulgences in Dampnut’s egolatry. I expect then it would be smarter AND more informative.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. paul fredine says:

    donald trump is still president. is that stupid enough?

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Once while out riding our bicycles I reduced the Mrs BDR to tears laughing too hard to speak by suddenly and frantically slapping at the bee that had just flown into my ear; knocked my glasses off my head and nearly myself off the bike.

    [narrator] It was not a bee. It was the buzzing of a weed whacker across the street.

    From her point of view, I had simply suddenly stopped and commenced to start slapping myself silly…

    Liked by 4 people

  11. Mary says:

    For a long time I thought Titleist on all those golf hats was pronounced TIT – LEAST!

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Catherine Riley says:

    I always heard the song lyric “I have to go make it happen” in Born to be Wild as “I gotta go naked at half time”.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Ellis Weiner says:

    When I was a yoof, I read a comic in which Superman (I think) encountered a tribe of warrior women, each of which was an Amazon–which I thought was pronounced “amazin'” because they were so amazing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • maggielle says:

      I used to think there were two separate girl’s names, one pronounced PEN-uh-lope, and the other pronounced puh-NELL-o-pee.

      Also, I thought the word “misled” was pronounced MY-zeld, and meant that you had been cheated by a miser.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. tengrain says:

    Mine is a problem with french accents and idioms (not idiots, well, except for me). Not since Lainie Kazan greeted Peter O’Toole with, “Welcome to my chapeau” has one person slaughtered the French language more effectively.

    (If you speak French you will know what I said, and how both French and American idioms can collide and a simple mispronunciation can further compound your error, and there’s nothing like the complete ability of a French waiter’s decision to abandon your table.)

    Sitting near the drafty door, wanting to move to another table, I announced to the waiter, “I am Strawberry.”

    Rgds,

    TG

    Liked by 2 people

  15. SkinnyDennis says:

    As a kid I thought it was weird all dentists had the same name as mine.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. John Casada says:

    My little sister had two that were memorable (when she was about 4 or 5 years old).
    First, whenever we would pull into a gas station, our father would tell the attendant, “Fill it up, Hightest.” When we would leave, she would yell out the window, “Goodbye, Mr. Hightest!”

    She second involved the song, “Chicago” (that toddlin’ town). My sister used to sing (in public and at the top of her lungs) “Shit-cago, Shit-cago, that toddlin’ town.” We got to choose to be either embarrassed or just enjoy it. We enjoyed it very frequently. (I miss my sister.)

    Liked by 1 person

  17. maggielle says:

    I had a friend whose mom taught her that one referred to one’s netherbits as “privates”, which made my friend very uncomfortable when she was waiting in the cafeteria line and had to pass by a locked door marked “PRIVATE”.

    This same friend, who attended Catholic school, came home one day and told her mom she was upset because one of the nuns called her a Mormon, so mom marched down the school with her, where the nun said, “Oh no, I didn’t call your daughter a Mormon, I called her a moron”, and mom said, oh okay, thanks for clearing that up, and they went home.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dennis Cole says:

      Reminds me of the story of the young single mom whose 5th-grade son was failing in Math, despite her best efforts – helping with his homework, hiring tutors, etc. – all to no avail, so she enrolled him in a local Parochial School, where, within just a short week, he was bringing home “As” on every math test.

      When she asked him what finally got him to begin excelling in the subject, he whispered to her, “Gee, mom – that new school you’re sending me to? They’re so serious about math, they have a guy nailed to the “plus sign” in every classroom!

      Liked by 2 people

    • That is wrong on too many levels. I love it.

      Liked by 2 people

  18. All of these made me scream and howl! You are the funniest people. Oh my God, I needed this laugh. A MILLION THANK YOU’S FOR SHARING. I am dying laughing.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dennis Cole says:

      I’m very wary of even attempting to pull off an “April Fool’s” joke, or prank here, because it probly wouldn’t sound much different than many of my already outlandish claims. I’m glad I had a small part to play in lifting your spirits, Katie.

      Like

  19. purplehead says:

    When I was about four or five years old, my Dad said that I was frugal. I don’t remember the context, other than we were at the dinner table. What a funny word. I thought he had made it up, because he had made up a language with words that kind of sounded like that. “What’s frugal?” I asked. “Parsimonious,” he replied.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Pyed says:

    Sixty-three years old, but still a classic:

    Not so old, and for a different cause, but:

    Liked by 1 person

  21. These yarns, quips and videos just keep getting funnier. I’m laughing my ass off. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.