Never Change, Floriduh

Scissorhead Dennis Cole alerts us to the latest crime wave in Floriduh:

Man arrested for allegedly stealing 66 rolls of toilet paper from Orlando hotel, police say

They said that a security guard saw 31-year-old Angel Hernandezcinto pushing a trash can to his van and put a bag inside. The guard peeked through the window and saw the bag was full of unused toilet paper rolls that belonged to the hotel. When Hernandezcinto came back out, deputies said he admitted to taking the 66 rolls of toilet paper, which were valued at $0.99.

But wait! Our $0.99 Amero TP thief may have had another motive:

Hernandezcinto reportedly told the guard that he knew a lady who was poor and had no job and he was taking the toilet paper to help her and her family. The arrest report showed that Hernandezcinto then apologized.

So they let him go, right? I mean $0.99!

Hernandezcinto reportedly did not wish to notify the Guatemalan consulate.

Deputies said that he has charged with theft from public lodging establishment.

Oh, dear. So he’s arrested, which means someone pressed charges for $0.99, “You’re Fired’ed,” and it implies that he’s here from Guatemala, so hello ICE and hello Guatemala!

Floriduh, Motto: “Where the debris meets the Sea”

This entry was posted in Crazeee States, Floriduh, Pandemics. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Never Change, Floriduh

  1. With all these fun new ways to dick over brown people, I’ll bet Stephen Miller has been frantically googling “what to do if your erection lasts longer than four hours” for about a week now.

    May it fall off….

    Like

  2. purplehead says:

    …the bag was full of unused toilet paper rolls that belonged to the hotel.

    Whew.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. donnah says:

    Toilet paper, the new currency.

    Like

Comments are closed.