News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

“You assholes do know you’re not wearing gloves, right?”

Our old pal Liz ‘3-fingers’ Croken explains to us the origin of the Coronavirus:

You got that? Computer Hackers (White Hats) infected a drug made from the pituitary glands of the children that the Satanist pedophilia cannibals done eated-up and thus Edris Elba got it! It all makes sense now!

WAKE UP SHEEPLE!!1! IT GOES RIGHT TO THE TOP!!!1!

Meanwhile, World Nut Daily reports:

Class-action suit demands $20 trillion from China for coronavirus damages

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9 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. This landed in my inbox at precisely 5pm…Beer O’clock!!

    Why the hell does Larry Klayman still have a license to practice law??

    Liked by 1 person

  2. obviously subtherapeutic lithium levels

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dennis Cole says:

    A good Xtian who doesn’t believe in Acts of God? I bet the judge probly does, and this suit ends up in the Circular File.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. RevZafod says:

    $20 trillion? I’m all for it, presuming they’ll send me my $60,000 soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. julesmomcat says:

    Oh. My. Dawg. I didn’t think ANYONE could be that fukkin’ stupid/ignorant/dumb/gullible/dense/obtuse/hebetudinous/block-headed/dimwitted/doltish,
    but she’s cornered the market on all of the above niches.

    Like

  6. Osirisopto says:

    I looked up adrenachrome and found this…

    https://thespinoff.co.nz/society/17-03-2020/emily-writes-down-the-rabbit-hole-with-the-covid-19-conspiracy-theorists/

    “Buckle up sheeple. Get ready for the truth.

    On a website called Q I found fellow PATRIOTS with a hard-on for THE TRUTH.

    I was quickly introduced to the prevailing conspiracy theory around Covid-19. It’s quite simple. Adrenochrome is a drug for the liberal elite of Hollywood made from actual human brain stem containing hormones from the adrenal gland. Hillary Clinton manufactures this drug by torturing children in a pizza shop (if you order a cheese pizza that’s code). Tom Hanks is addicted to Adrenochrome and he caught Covid-19 from the latest batch of tainted Adrenochrome that came through Celine Dion who is a high priestess from the Church of Satan. She is well-versed in poison as she’s been lacing her children’s clothing line with a chemical that makes our children “gender neutral”. Tom Hanks signalled to the Hollywood Liberal Elite Cabal DeepState in his Golden Globes acceptance speech that there would be a shortage of Adrenochrome. Ellen has closed her studio audience because she’s addicted as well. Heidi Klum is too. And so is Michael Rappaport.

    This is a direct quote from a TRUE PATRIOT: “What’s happened to Celine Dion, I remember her as young and vibrant, but BOOM, she’s a far cry from my memory. Let’s not forget Michael Rapaport…he just doesn’t look right, a tad pale, low on iron?”

    But if that version doesn’t appeal to you. Don’t worry, I have more. You can basically choose your own (conspiracy) adventure.

    This is “Another False Flag Attempts To Implicate The Great Awakening”
    This virus has been orchestrated to force universities to adopt learning management systems (like Canvas and Blackboard) and move to online teaching, ending schooling as we know it forever.
    Covid-19 will trigger the implementation of Global Economic Security and Recovery Act so the government can take your money.
    Bill Gates!
    A new world war – China/Iran/Italy attempted to preemptively inoculate their own population and then release a disease that would threaten the world.
    A feminist cult of witches created a virus to kill all old white men.
    “We’ll never get Americans to agree to cut social security but they won’t be able to collect if they’re dead!”
    Vaccinations caused it.
    Covid-19 was created by the media to sell newspapers and everyone who has been infected is a crisis actor.
    God did it because we’re all too sinful.
    Back in 2007, the Wuhan Institute of Virology published a paper about its research into Sars-like bat coronaviruses. While they were researching the Sars-like bat coronavirus, they were unhappy with the low rate at which it infected human cells. So they genetically altered it to make it infect human cells more effectively – by giving it an HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) outer shell, which enabled the Sars-like coronavirus to attack human cells via Ace2 receptors.
    A husband and wife “spy team” stole the virus from Canada’s National Microbiology Laboratory.

    There’s no evidence for any of this. In fact most of it has been thoroughly debunked. But I would say that as a member of the FAKE NEWS LAMESTREAM MEDIA.”

    Liked by 2 people

  7. donnah says:

    What I want to know is how come these people aren’t all in straitjackets in a big mental ward somewhere.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Bosma says:

    So…Qanon is responsible for killing and infecting hundreds of thousands of people across the world…?

    Well done, Q…

    Like

  9. roket says:

    Why haven’t the Clintons rubbed her out yet??

    Like

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