Report: All Is Well!

Experts prove…

Let’s review where we find ourselves today: In response to an impending coronavirus outbreak, Prznint Stupid has undermined the warnings of the CDC, attacked the press, and tapped the Walking Termite Buffet, Mike Pence, a man who doesn’t believe in science to Czar (is too a vurb!) the government’s response. As you know, Pence created the worst HIV outbreak in Indiana’s history when he ignored the advice of state and federal health officials; previously he had taken HIV prevention money and reallocated it to Conversion Therapy, because Jeebus is how you deal with disease, I guess?

As the CDC warned Americans to brace for a disruptive outbreak, Comrade Stupid lashed out at the media for reporting on it.

Health and Human Services Secretary Alex Azar, while still leader of the coronavirus task force for a few more moments, said that there was no need for a czar, and proposed to finance the administration’s cheap-o $2.5 billion plan to combat the virus by cutting programs for the poor.

House Democrats tell us they are outraged by one aspect of the White House response in particular: The White House appears to have informed Democrats that they want to fund the emergency response in part by taking money from a program that funds low-income home heating assistance. A document that the Trump administration sent to Congress, which we have seen, indicates that the administration is transferring $37 million to emergency funding for the coronavirus response from the Low Income Home Energy Assistance Program, or LIHEAP, which funds heating for poor families.

A two-fer-one solution! Also, a market opportunity:

So, you know, what could go wrong?

The World Health Organization said that, for the first time, there are more new reported cases of COVID-19 outside of mainland China than inside.

So we got that going for us.

UPDATE 1: Axios morning email thingie

President Trump has warned HHS Secretary Alex Azar, along with other officials, not to criticize China’s response to the virus.

  • “They have enough problems without you going out and saying they’re not doing enough,” Trump said to Azar recently, a source familiar with their conversation tells Axios’ Jonathan Swan.

He’s gotta deal on the line, I guess?

UPDATE 2: Tiger Beat’s email thingie

TRUMP’S WEDNESDAY EVENING NEWS CONFERENCE from the hardly used White House briefing room was intended to calm nerves. But Trump seemed to underplay the severity of the virus, and wrongly stated that non-Americans are currently banned from coming into the U.S. from China. He said a vaccine should be developed soon, but experts say it’s likely close to a year away.

ADD TO THAT: After TRUMP’S news conference, the CDC announced that one American who had not traveled abroad or had contact with anyone who had contracted the virus. And, inside the administration, there’s increasing frustrationwith Robert Redfield, the head of the CDC.

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14 Responses to Report: All Is Well!

  1. moeman says:

    Stock market is showing symptoms, again.

    Those damn Dem debates !

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Infidel753 says:

    Pence will czar the shit out of this by (a) closing Chinese restaurants, (b) ordering a national day of prayer, and (c) banning gays from doing something or other. Problem solved.

    Trump has warned HHS Secretary Alex Azar, along with other officials, not to criticize China’s response to the virus.

    He doesn’t want to set a precedent that it’s OK to criticize a blundering authoritarian regime whose incompetence allows the virus to get out of control. Might come back to bite him.

    Liked by 3 people

    • tengrain says:

      There’s no end to the ways that Pence, a Rapture Enthusiast, can bung this thing up. But it gives him a chance to sign another bathroom bill I’m gonna bet.

      I’m still wondering if Mother will allow him to meet with female doctors at the CDC.



      Liked by 2 people

  3. Bruce388 says:

    Based on that revised map it appears Alaska and Hawaii are screwed.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Infidel753 says:

      Nobody’s ever tried to explain to Trump that those are part of the US despite not being physically connected. Way too weird for him to understand.

      Liked by 1 person

      • tengrain says:

        Someday he’ll learn about Guam.

        Mind. Blown.




      • Dennis Cole says:

        You all remember THIS, doncha? From the Independent, 9/29/2017:

        “This is an island surrounded by water, big water, ocean water,” he said at a tax reform speech in Washington.

        He added that local governments had been “totally and unfortunately unable to handle this catastrophic crisis on their own – just totally unable to.”

        And then later in the week, when he was questioned about that comment by reporters, his reply was, “This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean – and it’s a big ocean, a really, really big ocean,” Mr Trump told reporters earlier this week.

        He later informed Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy that Puerto Rico is “out in the ocean. You can’t just drive your trucks there”.

        “This is tough stuff,” he added.

        So clearly, the Stabol Jeeneeus has a firm grasp of the definition of an island, and he’s upset by the transportation difficulties of sending help there. If that help is supplies delivered by trucks, well, those residents will just have to find another way to get their free goodies, which they don’t deserve in the first place, nor the second, even. Trucks don’t float, even HE knows that.


    • Chris Papalia says:

      ‘Alaska’? You mean Russian North America don’t you?


  4. Dennis Cole says:

    On the very same stage, at the very same presser, tRump’s aides were contradicting his claims about the virus, its containment so far, and how safe we Americans are, in reality, without really seeming to speak against him. It’s gotta be THE most difficult job in the world, to be a close adviser to Mad King tRump, but apparently there are plenty of psychophants willing to utterly debase themselves to become one, and to desire to remain in that position for as long as possible, against overwhelming odds.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This just came over the transom at work:

    Travel Update for South Korea: Effective immediately, all academic and business travel to South Korea for University of Arizona graduate and undergraduate students is suspended, and will not be authorized until further notice, due to the current outbreak of the 2019 Novel Coronavirus (COVID-19).

    This is in addition to the current ban on travel to China for all faculty, staff or students.

    They have already suspended any ‘Summer Abroad’ programs for the students, period no matter the destination.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. robginchicago says:

    Major News Networks are awaiting the start of a Mike Pence Press Conference announcing that they’ve found a vaccination that may be effective against the coronavirus in the discovery of several 1.75 ML bottles containing a liquid labeled as “Jesus Juice” at the former “Neverland” property of Michael Jackson. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Dennis Cole says:

      I also heard that he was negotiating with Preznit Xi, with a plan for us to nuke the province where the virus originated, and in exchange, China gets to nuke Puerto Rico. Talk about a win-win!


    • revzafod says:

      I bought a case of six 1.75L bottles of Russian-style 80 proof Coping Fluid today. Applied orally and liberally after 5 PM daily, it should help me get thru for a while.

      Liked by 1 person

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