The Fix Is In

Amply be-chinned #MoscowMitch McConnell

The Senate impeachment trial of Prznint Stupid begins today, and if amply be-chinned #MoscowMitch gets his way, it might wrap up next early week. David Frum summarizes thusly (I know, I know, don’t come at me bro):

#MoscowMitch’s proposed rules would cram opening arguments into a four-day death march: House prosecutors and the president’s lawyers would each get two days of 12-hour sessions to make their cases. This means the trial will take place in the dead of night with an exhausted jury of septuagenarian and octogenarian senators after newspaper deadlines pass.

And then the Senate will vote to introduce new witnesses or any evidence, a decision that, coink-a-dinkly, will be made in the dead of night. Yup, as hapless Chuck Schumer fumed, “The McConnell rules don’t even allow the simple, basic step of admitting the House record into evidence at the trial.”

If any witnesses are allowed, they would first be deposed behind closed doors. John Bolton, who said that he would testify if subpoenaed, would be deposed from a classified location —you know, for National Security reasons— thus ensuring that We The People would never see or hear what he says about “Giuliani’s drug deal.”

#MoscowMitch’s rules will block us from following the proceedings, and if they lead to a fair trial, many of us will eat our hats. Even C-Span is not allowed to broadcast it. The press is penned in a balcony and not allowed anything other than a paper and pencil and they have to go through a TSA-like search when entering the area. So, to get breaking news out to us, they will have to leave, transcribe or go on camera elsewhere, return via the TSA-like inspection.

Debate and a vote on the rules is expected to be the first order of business today.

#MoscowMitch has said he does not have the votes to dismiss the trial itself, but you know that could change in a turtle’s heartbeat.

While Comrade Prznint Stupid will be represented by the legal team of actual lawyer Pat Cipollone and the Jews For Jeebus legal counsel of Jay Sekulow on the Senate floor, his outside legal defense looks to be more… stupid

The F-Troop Reports for Duty! 

The White House announced that F-Troop will serve on Trump’s impeachment team:

  • Doug Collins of Georgia
  • Mike Johnson of Louisiana
  • Jim Jordan of Ohio
  • Debbie Lesko of Arizona
  • Mark Meadows of North Carolina
  • John Ratcliffe of Texas
  • Elise Stefanik of New York
  • Lee Zeldin of New York

Screwie Louie was said to be licking his shattered ego and counting on his fingers and toes (and coming up with a different number each time) why he should have been included. Go figure.

The outside team are expected to run interference from Green Rooms everywhere, with a focus on messaging (flinging poo) and strategy (flinging poo). Prznint Stupid allegedly wanted some of these misfits and broken toys on his official legal team — but Senate Republicans opposed that idea.

This entry was posted in Amply Be-Chinned #MoscowMitch McConnell, ITMFA, Quid Meets Quo Goes Pro (Ukraine). Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to The Fix Is In

  1. donnah says:

    Hate to be a Donna Downer, but Midnight Mitch has covered all the bases. He has his wrinkly thumb on the scale and it will tip to the Republicans favor. Trump will be exonerated in spite of all of the evidence of criminality, Republicans vote without spines, and then Trump goes on his Victory Exoneration Tour until November.

    Where we can change the story is in the election. We have to get out the vote, convince people that this election will determine whether we have a democracy or monarchy, and support the party in all possible ways.

    It is a circus of fools, for fools. We have to move forward and run the show this year.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. laura says:

    Whither Devon?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ali redford says:

    F’d in the dark, taxed without representation, either way we frame it, I know I want my money back. This is just awful.


  4. paul fredine says:

    update: possibly, in an attempt to placate his on-the-fence members, mcturtle has agreed to change the two-day-rule to three days of eight hours each, or maybe it was to accommodate those with the weaker bladders, and evidence previously gathered by the house will now be allowed. it’s early so if i’m wrong you will please correct me. other than that, those previously mention on-the-fencers, like collins and romney, fell in line and voted to pass the rules.
    more of my views available at


Comments are closed.