News That Will Drive You To Drink

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Cindy Jacobs, Our Lady of Bountiful Pasta and Good Shoe Wear, tells us after the fact about another communiqué she had with Almighty Dawg:

“Around six months or so ago, I issued a warning that there was going to be a problem with Iran that could escalate into World War III, and that we needed to pray about it. So, In preparing for a prayer call I was going to be on for the nation on Tuesday, I felt the Lord told me that there were further strikes that General Soleimani had been going to issue against Americans. He told me that this strike against the General was an intervention. I saw what would have happened if we hadn’t had this intervention. I saw many U. S. servicemen dead. It was going to be a bloodbath.”

Well, of course she saw what would have happened, she always sees what would have happened, but —PRAISE JEEBUS— it didn’t happen because: reasons.

Telling us after-the-fact that she had before-the-fact, inside scoop is really her trademark (well, that and the nasal braying) but you know, she’s a prophet. Don’t question, just send money so she can continue to do the important work that she does after the fact or sumpin’.

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2 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. You have to understand, TG, she does her prophesizing in Reverse Prophet Notation…

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Osirisopto says:

    Isn’t she the one who does jeebus enemas?

    Like

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