Guys, you know how advice columnists and anger-management professionals tell you to write the damn letter you really wanna write (to get it OUT of your system) but never send it?
— Mustafa Salim (@Mustafa_salimb) January 6, 2020
Marine Brig. Gen. William Seely wrote a letter which was sent to Iraqi Lt. Gen. Abdul Amir:
“Sir, in due deference to the sovereignty of the Republic of Iraq, and as requested by the Iraqi Parliament and the Prime Minister, [the Combined Joint Task Force–Operation Inherent Resolve] will be repositioning forces over the course of the coming days and weeks to prepare for onward movement…
“We respect your sovereign decision to order our departure.”
And you know, like the advice columnist, the letter was never meant to be sent, so, you know, another stunning victory for the 4th Reich!
Hilarity of course, ensued.
“We are re-positioning forces throughout the region number one. Beyond that with regard to the letter which I’ve read once, I can’t tell you the veracity of that letter and I can tell you what I’ve read. That letter is inconsistent of where we are right now.”
–Defense Secretary Mark Esper, sounding legit.
Army Gen. Mark Milley said “[the letter] was a draft, it was a mistake, it was unsigned, it should not have been released.” Also legit.
Gen. Kenneth McKenzie, the head of U.S. Central Command, reportedly “used other words that were a little more colorful than mistake.” Now THAT sounds totally legit!
And to prove that this letter is really well-planned from Team Stable Genius, Cadet Bone Spurs is sending an additional 2,500 Marines into the Mideast, Defense Secretary Esper says we will not commit war crimes and attack cultural/heritage sites while Commander Bunnypants says we will.
So, you know, everything is going swimmingly, according to plan. As usual in the 4th Reich.