Happy Hour News Briefs
Our old pal Liz ‘3-fingers’ Crokin gives us her 2020 predictions!
And right off, she dives into the deep by predicting that Tom Hanks(!) will be arrested for occult pedophilia, you know, as part of the Q-Anon thingie. The whole thing is nuts, but here are some choice tidbits that she uses to prove her case:
“One of the first movies he did was [The Man With One Red Shoe] … It was a movie about red shoes; we know that red shoes are significant and symbolic to the occult because they make leather red shoes out of babies’ skin.”
Well, that does fit in with what we know from Pope-N-Führer, who wore red Prada slippers.
¡GASP! The hat… is red! Must have been a big, succulent baby!
But I digress. Please continue, 3-Fingers:
“Tom Hanks was in a movie—Big—and, of course, the movie is based off of basically pedophilia because he’s a little kid in a grown man’s body that ends up having a sexual relationship with a grown woman. So a lot of anons are theorizing that he could be the first big name unsealed indictment. I think it’s a really good theory.”
How can I argue with logic like that? It’s like the witch-logic scene from The Holy Grail: