News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Jeebus weeps

The theocrats over at SPLC-designated hate group Family Research Council are saying a prayer for… wait for it…  Chick-fil-A?

Really! Why? What happened?

Christians Deeply Troubled over Chick-fil-A Turn — The third largest fast food restaurant chain in America won the respect and loyalty of millions of Christians and non-Christians alike due to their unwavering devotion to the principles of its founder Truett Cathy, who passed away in 2014. But the Christian world was shocked when it learned that the stand-out Christian business had succumbed to years of pressure from LGBT activists and pulled its annual support for the Salvation Army and the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (both of whom hold to natural marriage in their guiding statements) in favor of groups like Covenant House, which hosted a local “Drag Queen Story Hour” for children.

Christians who have loved and wholeheartedly supported Chick-fil-A (CFA) because of their Christian principles have received the news with disappointment, disbelief, anger, and mourning, with some feeling wounded by a sense of betrayal. Still others, in Christian charity, have tried to give the company the benefit of the doubt. But with each day, more and more information comes out that suggests that the leadership of the company has not just succumbed in a momentary weakness, but has deliberately changed course, and in doing so has compromised the principles that made them great.

FRC, which has fully supported and given much free publicity to the chicken chain in the past, was shocked to learn recently that CFA made a gift in 2017 to the far-left Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC), one of the most virulently anti-Christian organizations in America…

And what’s the prayer?, you ask?

Father, only you can change the hearts of people; only you can repair the damage that has been done. Move upon this company. Stir them to see the damage and to repent. Grant discernment from heaven…

Sweet Baby Jeebus replies, “But that’s what I did! Would you oafs please make up your mind!”

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8 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. It really chaps their asses that they cannot command people to jump any more. They’re going to become more vicious and desperate as more and more of their ability to oppress others in the name of their god slips away.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. donnah says:

    Well, now I want a chicken sammitch!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Marco says:

    Snowflakes one and all!

    Like

  4. Dennis Cole says:

    I’ve been going to my local CFA on occasion for the past few years, in order to buy one of their (disgusting) sammiches, and I immediately go outside, where there’s no shortage of homeless folks or starving students, and I very discreetly offer them one of my recently-purchased delectables, which seem to vanish in no time at all.
    It’s directly across the street from our Community College, so whoever decided to build there knew all about that famous old Real Estate rule: location, location, location.

    Like

  5. Blue Gal says:

    I’m pro-Chik Fil A if you go in full drag. This video is such a classic. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sO-msplukrw

    Like

  6. R White says:

    Maybe, just maybe those overrated fried chicken pimps were feeling the economic pinch from popeye’s, who can no doubt deliver a cheaper sandwich without all the religious guilt.

    Like

  7. roket says:

    Get back with me when they’re open on Sundays.

    Like

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