News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

You guys might remember that, the first Ex-Gay rally giving their big cheer a couple of years ago, but guess what?

They’re doing it again!

“Ex-homosexual and ex-transgender men and women from around the country descended upon the Nation’s Capital this weekend for the Second Annual ‘Freedom March’ where they proclaimed the freedom they’ve found in abandoning homosexual and transgender practices. “

Practices? Oh, honey, I think that’s a performance:

“I choose Jesus, because he’s the only man in my life. He’s the only man that didn’t sleep with my best friend … He’s been loyal to me … I choose Him over him.”

That was Luis Ruiz, a survivor of the Pulse nightclub massacre who now run a ministry called Fearless Identity.

Former transwoman Jeffrey McCall kicked off the rally on the grounds of the Washington Monument, explaining that nobody here was forced to change; “It was the power of the Holy Spirit and the grace of Jesus Christ that fell on all of us.”

Jeebus is clumsy that way, and the last time the Bird fell on anyone, Mary got knocked up. Just sayin’.

Anyway, they claimed to have 200 people at the rally this year (which to be pedantic is not the same thing as having 200 ex-gays), but whatevs gets you through the night.

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5 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Wonder if it ever enters their cramped little minds that it’s not that they exist, that people object to but that they insist that their way is the only way? Go march, yell, dance in the streets, etc, but your right to define other people’s humanity ends at the tip of your nose…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Astamari says:

    I think a lot of “ex-gays” aren’t; they’re just seriously in denial and sublimating their intensity towards Jebus.

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  3. Dennis Cole says:

    I suspect a majority of these folks only CLAIM to be ex-whatevers, as a way of getting their jollies, so to speak. How can you prove otherwise? And just think of the admiration – and even adulation – you’d receive from the Talibangelicals,who would proudly pat you on the back, and show you off to their friends as “proof” Jeebus (and his dad, and Casper-like buddy) DO exist, and are performing miracles among us.

    I recently finished reading “Lamb,” by Christopher Moore, and it was hilarious. It’s supposedly the 5th, or “missing” Gospel, written by Biff, Christ’s boyhood friend, wherein he recounts those 30 years that no one else seemed interested in, along with the time up to his crucifiction.

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  4. roket says:

    Also too, I suspect Luis Ruiz makes a nice living now off of the Talibangelicals at these sorts of pep rallies.

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  5. julesmomcat says:

    Encore:

    As I am wont to remind all those buy-bull thumpers: Jebus wandered around
    Galilee for three years, accompanied by twelve men – no women. Now, you
    can’t tell me that none of them got horny during that 3-year sojourn.
    Then, at the Last Supper, he told them, “Love ye, one another, even as I
    have loved you.” So, obviously, they were all gay. Ooooh – I can hear
    the gnashing of teeth, and screams of protest, when the fine, upstanding
    sheeples are confronted with reality! LOL!

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