Happy Hour News Briefs
As was foretold in Prophecy (or at least in the newest edition of this grifter’s book) to our old pal firefighter/prophet/profit Mark Taylor by Dawg Almighty hisself that Junior Mints is gonna be our prznint someday :
If I was a betting man, I’d bet against this happening, but of course I also lost a lot of Quatloos betting that the Mango-hued Shitgibbon would lose, too/also.
BREAKING: Junior Mints is going to testify before the Senate Intelligence Committee. I guess someone told him that it was jail if he didn’t and that Daddy cannot claim executive privilege over his little squirt. They probably told him how bad he looks in orange.