News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Jeebus weeps

Repugnant theocrat and pride of Louisiana (Motto: Home of the nearly wed and the newly dead!)  Tony Perkins, the head of the Family Research Council, has set loose his Prayer Team to pray for the salvation of 2020 Goat Rodeo Candidate, Mayor Pete, you know, for being a ‘mo.

First the sermon:


Mayor Pete Pontificates — Pete Buttigeig, the self-identifying “gay” mayor of South Bend, has been making quite a name for himself by attacking the President and his evangelical supporters. On Sunday’s edition of “Meet the Press,” Buttigieg took a swing at evangelicals who helped propel President Trump to victory in 2016, fuming: “It’s something that frustrates me because the hypocrisy is unbelievable…” What Mayor Pete and his tribe don’t get is that most evangelicals who support President Trump don’t rationalize or excuse his personal failings; rather they endorse the policies of his administration that reflect biblical truth on everything from protecting pre-borns and defending religious liberty to reversing Obama’s transgender military policy and nominating conservative judges to the courts. This isn’t blind allegiance or phony opportunism. This is reasoned support for a leader who has made and kept his promises — promises that line up with our values.

But Mayor Pete, an Episcopalian, wasn’t done Sunday. At the LGBTQ Victory Fund Brunch in D.C., he called out Vice President Pence as well. “My marriage to Chasten has made me a better man and yes, Mr. Vice President, it has moved me closer to God,” he declared. “I can tell you, that if me being gay was a choice, it was a choice that was made far, far above my pay grade,” he added to loud cheers from the audience. “And that’s the thing I wish the Mike Pence’s of the world could understand, that if you have a problem with who I am, your problem is not with me. Your quarrel, sir, is with my creator.

“In an interview with Todd Starnes, Tony Perkins responded that Mayor Pete really didn’t have an “issue with the words of Mike Pence… he has an issue with the words of Scripture.” Leaving aside the breathtaking biblical blindness the Mayor displayed, the real reason he is unhappy with evangelicals is not because we’re “haters” or “hypocrites.” It’s because we stand in the way of implementing his radical ideology in public policy, like installing the sweeping LGBTQ expansion of the civil rights code through the Equality Act and rolling back President Trump’s military transgender policy. Mayor Pete’s ultimate goal, like the goal of so many liberals, is to try to embarrass evangelicals into disengaging from politics so that those radical policies can be pursued without our active opposition. But if there’s anything evangelicals have learned over the last 10 years, it’s that elections have consequences and religious persecution at the hands of the “tolerant” is always just one vote away.”


And now the prayer (which oddly is in a bullet point. Go figure):

  • Holy God, we pray for this misguided soul who unashamedly calls good “evil” and evil “good.” Protect those who hear this “blind guide” from following him into the ditch spiritually and politically. Reveal yourself to him in an unmistakable way to the end that he can no longer worship the god of his imagination but worship you in Spirit and in truth.

And if guessed that this is based Leviticus, the duck will drop out of the ceiling and leave you a quatloo.

We that in 2016, Tony Perkins, who has made a career out of demonizing the ‘mos, who has often said bad weather events were punishment from Gawd because the hos and the ‘mos make Sweet Baby Jeebus weep, had his house swept away in a “flood of near-biblical proportions” and had to be rescued by canoe.

Odd that.

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11 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    The thing that enrages them so much is that Mayor Buttigeig has articulated a liberal Christianity which calls into question the right-wing ‘Christianity’ that is antithetical to anything that Christ said.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Given the incredible efficacy of prayers stopping gun-related slaughter in the US, I’d say Mayor Pete had better watch his step! He might trip on a carelessly disposed of banana peel!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Infidel753 says:

    “…..to the end that he can no longer worship the god of his imagination…..”

    But start to worship the god of my imagination instead.

    Liked by 4 people

  4. roket says:

    “Reveal yourself to him & but worship you in Spirit”? When speaking of Gawd, regardless whether it’s in 1st, 2nd or 3rd person, the reference should be capitalized. He should have said ‘Reveal Yourself’ and ‘worship You’. Therefore Tony Perkins should be caned. 999 times. Don’t worry. He’ll like it.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. julesmomcat says:

    Where in hell does Perkins get his beliefs? He should think through the reality of what the Buy Bull tells: that Jesus roamed around Galilee for 3 years, accompanied by 12 MEN, NO WOMEN! And you can’t tell me none of them ever got horny during those years. Then, at the Last Supper, he told them, “Love ye, one another, even as I have loved you.” So, obviously, Jesus and his disciples were GAY! Hey, Perkins – contemplate that!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. paul fredine says:

    ‘reasoned support’? sure. the ‘reason’ they supported him was he hates the same things they hate. so he doesn’t know the bible and thinks ‘do unto others’ means before they do it to you. so he doesn’t go to church unless it makes for a good photo-op. so he lies constantly and cheats on his wives. as long as he promises what they want to hear (despite the fact those promises will be broken…he’ll just deny he ever ever made such a promise even though there’s video proof) they’ll follow him into the fire and praise him as their feet burn….to the knees.

    Like

  7. laura says:

    In my opinion, some fine day Perkins will be arrested at a deadly motel out on the interstate with a rent boy, an ass-load of meth, breaking of poppers, greased like a weasel, and crying out for forgiveness ala every other common jeebus huckster.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Dennis Cole says:

      That would be the deadly motel next to the gas station with the sign that says, “Please stop leaving dead hookers in our bathroom.”

      Like

  8. laura says:

    Seedy motel.

    Like

  9. Dennis Cole says:

    Giving the gays and the ‘mos and the trans folk and the rest equal rights doesn’t take away ANY rights from you, Tony, it just gives them the same freedoms YOU have. It’s not pie…

    Like

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