Eat The Rich
The tiny-handed ship was lost.
“From champagne corks flying towards a Picasso to cornflakes splashed on a Basquiat painting, the perils facing billionaires’ floating art collections aren’t those sailors typically fear on the high seas. But the world’s ultra-rich are filling superyachts with so many masterpieces that conservators are teaching captains and crew how to care for art as well as to pamper passengers.”
You see, poor little J. Ambrose McFatcat III, was afraid of the Basquiat, so he threw his bweakfast at it:
“Pandora Mather-Lees, an Oxford-educated art historian and conservator, started giving lessons after a billionaire asked for help to restore a Jean-Michel Basquiat painting damaged not by sea spray, but by breakfast cereal. “His kids had thrown their cornflakes at it over breakfast on his yacht because they thought it was scary,” Mather-Lees said. “And the crew had made the damage worse by wiping them off the painting.”
So naturally, the solution is not to keep keep Jr. from being a spoiled dick, or move the paintings to dry dock back at stately McFatcat manor, no, the solution is to train the yacht crew in the fine art of conservatorship. You know, so when they are not oiling the teak, or polishing the Christofle, they can be restoring the Picassos when his nibs decides to draw Pokemon on The Weeping Women.
As one does.
In totally unrelated news:
This would seem like an Onion story but I already read about this in the paper today. The grotesqueries of the ultra-rich are just so awful. One bad grounding and a bunch of valuable art could be destroyed immediately (assuming these arseholes have any artistic sense).
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Even under the best of circumstances, it’s impossible to maintain a controlled environment on a boat.
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Eating the rich brings up the risks that we’ll catch whatever prion disease they have that makes them act like this.
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Greed and venality are not communicable diseases. Well, not biologically communicable, anyhow. Sick societies generate them in mass quantities via (anti)social reproduction, but yeah, we can eat the rich without worrying about prion disease.
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It’s situational. Once the guillotine blades start falling you’ll be shocked by how generous the pricks can be.
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The more money than brains dickheads.
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This sounds like a job for an Oompa Loompa. Sad.
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