Climate Change: Mother Nature’s Recession

Prznint Stupid has a plan for Climate Change (Hat tip: Scissorhead D-Cap)

Let’s pretend for a moment that we are an amoral, moronic president (Hi Donnie!) and by law, we are required to release a report on climate change that damns one of our key policies to hell. When do we release it?

Black Friday, silly! You know, the day after Thanksgiving when everyone—who is not buying their way into debt—is sitting in a Cheesecake Factory-like torpor from eating too much. Death, where is thy jolly old sting?

Yes, the report warns us of loss of lives and misery, but in a twist that might catch the mango-hued shitgibbon’s attention, it also warns of the economic devastation that climate change will bring.

The NYTimes, which Prznint Stupid is known to hate-read (haha, he’s illiterate and cannot read): “U.S. CLIMATE STUDY HAS GRIM WARNING OF ECONOMIC RISKS: Reduction of Up to 10 Percent in G.D.P. — Findings Are at Odds With Policies.”

“A major scientific report issued by 13 federal agencies on Friday presents the starkest warnings to date of the consequences of climate change for the United States, predicting that if significant steps are not taken to rein in global warming, the damage will knock as much as 10 percent off the size of the American economy by century’s end. …

“[In] direct language, the 1,656-page assessment lays out the devastating effects of a changing climate on the economy, health and environment, including record wildfires in California, crop failures in the Midwest and crumbling infrastructure in the South. Going forward, American exports and supply chains could be disrupted, agricultural yields could fall to 1980s levels by midcentury and fire season could spread to the Southeast, the report finds.”

Climate change will cost the United States thousands of lives and cost billions/trillions of Ameros annually. As you can imagine places that are hot now become hellscapes, farms will go barren, and without forage for livestock, well, factory farms will be hard pressed to find enough steaks for Chef Stupid to burn at his terrible restaurants. The acidity of the oceans will also make the surf-and-turf fish scarce, and red algae will be ever-present. But not to worry, insect-borne disease will probably kill you before you starve.

So we got that working for us. Last word to Prznint Stupid, who has it all under control:

We’re totally eff’ed in the hot dark.

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10 Responses to Climate Change: Mother Nature’s Recession

  1. Dennis Cole says:

    The difference between weather & climate? I like to look at it like this:

    Climate is the clothing you buy for your wardrobe, to suit the conditions where you live.
    Weather is what you pick out to wear on any certain day, and is dependent on what’s happening outside.
    For a person who has more than two brain cells to rub together, anyway.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Osiris Opto says:

      Sage advice from those wiser than I… Never argue with idiots. They’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.

      These are people who convince themselves taking stuff from the good will donation station is not illegal, believe stops signs with a white border are optional, and think if everyone has more guns it will reduce gun related deaths.

      You’re better off telling them how pissed off you would be if they bought two discounted MAGA hats.


  2. roket says:

    Donald J Trump is NOT, I repeat, NOT smarter than a 5th grader.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. C Montgomery Burns says:

    I’ll wait for the Christmas sales.


  4. HarpoSnarx says:

    “Oh Lawd Gawd Leader, why aren’t you walking on that thar water?”
    Oh and not to quibble [which I am] even the Cultists would believe that one puny made-in China raft could keep the Titanic AND the Lusitania afloat.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Oh, the weather/climate change is damn frightful
    But our dear leader’s orange glow is so delightful
    And since all we have is haze
    let it blaze, let it blaze, let it blaze
    Man in Finland it dont catch no fires
    and those rallies he never tires
    and with the Saudis he is on the take
    let them rake, let them rake, let them rake


  6. Pyed says:

    Remember that story about the insensible frog who can be boiled alive by slowly increasing the temperature of the water after his is immersed in it? We should not feel so superior. At least it wasn’t the frog who kept turning up the heat under his sauce pan, which we homo sapiens sort of are.


  7. donnah says:

    In a sane world, comments like the snarky, “So whatever happened to global warming?” would be met immediately by responses like, “You’re a moron!” and “Read the scientific proof, you moron!”. but instead we get a chorus of “Yeah, Mr President, you tell those Libs! Stoopid Tree Huggers!”

    It’s hard to fight this president’s base. Because they’re morons.


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