Let’s pretend for a moment that we are an amoral, moronic president (Hi Donnie!) and by law, we are required to release a report on climate change that damns one of our key policies to hell. When do we release it?
Black Friday, silly! You know, the day after Thanksgiving when everyone—who is not buying their way into debt—is sitting in a Cheesecake Factory-like torpor from eating too much. Death, where is thy jolly old sting?
Yes, the report warns us of loss of lives and misery, but in a twist that might catch the mango-hued shitgibbon’s attention, it also warns of the economic devastation that climate change will bring.
The NYTimes, which Prznint Stupid is known to hate-read (haha, he’s illiterate and cannot read): “U.S. CLIMATE STUDY HAS GRIM WARNING OF ECONOMIC RISKS: Reduction of Up to 10 Percent in G.D.P. — Findings Are at Odds With Policies.”
“A major scientific report issued by 13 federal agencies on Friday presents the starkest warnings to date of the consequences of climate change for the United States, predicting that if significant steps are not taken to rein in global warming, the damage will knock as much as 10 percent off the size of the American economy by century’s end. …
“[In] direct language, the 1,656-page assessment lays out the devastating effects of a changing climate on the economy, health and environment, including record wildfires in California, crop failures in the Midwest and crumbling infrastructure in the South. Going forward, American exports and supply chains could be disrupted, agricultural yields could fall to 1980s levels by midcentury and fire season could spread to the Southeast, the report finds.”
Climate change will cost the United States thousands of lives and cost billions/trillions of Ameros annually. As you can imagine places that are hot now become hellscapes, farms will go barren, and without forage for livestock, well, factory farms will be hard pressed to find enough steaks for Chef Stupid to burn at his terrible restaurants. The acidity of the oceans will also make the surf-and-turf fish scarce, and red algae will be ever-present. But not to worry, insect-borne disease will probably kill you before you starve.
So we got that working for us. Last word to Prznint Stupid, who has it all under control:
Brutal and Extended Cold Blast could shatter ALL RECORDS – Whatever happened to Global Warming?
— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) November 22, 2018
We’re totally eff’ed in the hot dark.