News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Hey guys, let’s listen to our ol’ pal fire fighter and self-proclaimed prophet explain to us why his prophecy of a  2018 Pie Fight RED TSUNAMI!!1! didn’t happen!

Or did it…

Got that? The Red Tsunami needed a Red Earthquake, which is the mango-hued shitgibbon firing tired ol’ racist Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard ‘Stonewall’ Sessions III (the sequels are never as good as the first one), and it’s really gonna be a Tsunami of Blood when the mass arrests of assorted Clintons and Obamas followed tribunals which are then followed by executions. Sorta like…

Blood is the harvest

Honest to Dawg, these freaks need better meds and a good nap.

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4 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. roket says:

    For reelz? He does know the human race has been waiting for the spiritual world to trump the real world for millennia right? No, wait. O mer gawd.

    Like

  2. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    When their prophecy fails, they double down and move the goalposts a bit.

    Like

  3. MDavis says:

    Earthquakes
    https://earthquake.usgs.gov/data/dyfi/
    You’ve moved to a weird place for earthquakes, Tengrain. I remember the Nisqually quake being called a 7.0 tremor. (it lasted 45 seconds, all told) Hubby’s sister called up some news joint and unloaded on them for calling that a ‘tremor’. On the other hand, there was just one fatality, and it was put down to a heart attack brought on by all the excitement, I guess.
    Oh, this wasn’t really about earthquakes, was it? Sorry.

    Like

  4. Dennis Cole says:

    “The great tribulation will begin suddenly. It will begin with a global earthquake that effectively disrupts the activities of the whole world. (Revelation 8:5) God has a few things to say to the human race, and He intends to arrest the attention of the world with a massive earthquake that literally stops everything and everyone in their tracks.”

    “The book of Revelation predicts there will be a total of four global earthquakes. (Revelation 8:5; 11:13; 11:19; 16:18) These earthquakes will increasingly rip up the surface of the world, and the infrastructures of travel, communication and manufacturing will collapse during the great tribulation.

    These earthquakes have no equal in recorded history. Each earthquake will have greater strength than the one before it. The final earthquake will be so violent that it will literally move all of the mountains and islands from their places. (Revelation 16:20; 6:14).”

    From a Xtian Crazy website: https://www.wake-up.org/revelation-prophecy/understanding-purpose-of-seven-trumpets.html

    Be afraid. Be VERY afraid. Because if these earthquakes don’t get your attention, God may just speak louder.

    Like

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