Tiger Beat Says We’ll (Probably) Never See Mr. Mueller’s Report

Little Kremlin-on-the-Potomac

Bob Mueller be like…

Tiger Beat tells us… Mueller report PSA: Prepare for disappointment

“President Donald Trump’s critics have spent the past 17 months anticipating what some expect will be among the most thrilling events of their lives: special counsel Robert Mueller’s final report on Russian 2016 election interference.

“They may be in for a disappointment.

“That’s the word POLITICO got from defense lawyers working on the Russia probe and more than 15 former government officials with investigation experience spanning Watergate to the 2016 election case. The public, they say, shouldn’t expect a comprehensive and presidency-wrecking account of Kremlin meddling and alleged obstruction of justice by Trump — not to mention an explanation of the myriad subplots that have bedeviled lawmakers, journalists and amateur Mueller sleuths.

“Perhaps most unsatisfying: Mueller’s findings may never even see the light of day.”

OK, that sounds like a challenge, let’s explore!

First of all, Tiger Beat’s source are defense lawyers, who’s name probably rhymes with Judy Ruilliani, who knows that 1) Mr. Muller’s office doesn’t leak and will therefore not counter any rumor that s/he starts, and B) we are in the 60-day before an election quiet period, so nothing is happening except an A-List team of prosecutors are still gathering evidence and interviewing people and probably writing a very thick report.

  • There never have been any kind of promise—not even a binding pinkie-swear—that his report would ever, Ever, EVER be made public.
  • If the report says that Comrade Prznint Trump is innocent, then HE WILL RELEASE THE REPORT hisself.
  • And if the report says that he is as guilty as all Eff, the report will be warehoused next to Indiana Jones’ Ark of the Covenant, never to be seen again (until it leaks out, oh, in about 15 minutes probably to the WaPo).
  • The spin cycle once it leaks will get a perfect 10 from the Russian Judges. (See what I did there?)
  • AG Jefferson Beauregard ‘Stonewall’ Sessions III is a dead man walking, and Rod Rosenstein’s shelf life is about 15 minutes after the election results are in. The uproar when these men are given their cheese sandwich and roadmap will be intense.

Just saying.


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4 Responses to Tiger Beat Says We’ll (Probably) Never See Mr. Mueller’s Report

  1. Queasy says:

    Regarding the gif:
    Owls are also silent when they swoop in for the kill.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Condi says:

    As the Generalissimo noted early on, the no public report thang was always a definite possibility…


  3. suedoise2 says:

    Charlie Pierce sez that the whole post-Nov 7th period, no matter the outcome, is going to be Hell and Chaos, with results being contested, recounts demanded, etcetcetc ad infinitum to the outer galaxies.


  4. donnah says:

    Thanks, TG, for my all-time favorite gif! Go get ’em, Mueller!

    Liked by 1 person

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