Today in Conspiracy Theories

Deep Thoughts From Birthday Cake Fiend, Tom Cotton

Sen. Tom Cotton has a new theory about #JusticeGangBang and how the whole thing played out, and it is a doozy: Dr. Ford, her former roommate, onetime U.S. attorney Preet Bharara, and Sens. Chuck Schumer, and Dianne Feinstein were all in on a seekrit scheme to spring sexual assault allegations against the virgin Mayor of Keg City and noted loud music enthusiast Brett Kavanaugh as far back as this July. And remember, Kavanaugh was nominated on July 10, so you know, pretty quickly!

Of course, he gets a Saturn-class booster rocket assist from Hugh Hewitt, who is described by our pal Driftglass as a cyborg sent from the future to destroy America.

Hugh Hewitt transcript:

Hewitt: Is there any doubt in your mind, Senator Cotton, that this was planned long before it was unveiled? And by that, I mean the leak of Dr. Ford’s letter, I don’t know who did it, but I believe it was part of a campaign that was set up to occur exactly when it did. Do you agree with me?

And if ever there was a leading question, well, that is it. Anyway, Cotton winds-up, and then does some freestyle rapping:

Cotton: Hugh, I believe the Schumer political operation was behind this from the very beginning. We learned last week that a woman named Monica McLean was Ms. Ford’s roommate, and she was one of the so-called beach friends who encouraged Ms. Ford to go to Dianne Feinstein and the partisan Democrats on the Judiciary Committee. Well, it just turns out, it just so happens that Monica McLean worked for a Preet Bharara, the former U.S. Attorney in Manhattan, now a virulent anti-Trump critic on television and former counsel to Chuck Schumer. So I strongly suspect that Chuck Schumer’s political operation knew about Ms. Ford’s allegations as far back as July and manipulated the process all along to include taking advantage of Ms. Ford’s confidences and directing her towards left-wing lawyers who apparently may have violated the D.C. code of legal ethics and perhaps may face their own investigation by the D.C. Bar.

Got that?

Cotton of course is no stranger to conspiracy theories, like that time he sent his constituents Cease and Desist letters because they were clearly, um, some sort of cabal against him when they contacted him:

It all suddenly makes sense! WAKE UP, SHEEPLE!!1!

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16 Responses to Today in Conspiracy Theories

  1. poor ol Tom Cottonhaid, his haid is fulla cotton instead of brains.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Spocko says:

    So yes. There plan is to keep attacking and to keep coming up with more conspiracy theories.
    Here is my take on it from Hullabaloo
    GOP’s strategy to keep attacking Dr. Ford

    “This strategy of continuing the attack, even after it appears that they have won, is a based on their fear of losing their gains when there is a reckoning.”

    I think that Bill Shine is behind it, with help from Kellyanne Conway (I think she supplied the lies about the High School “drinking games”

    Liked by 2 people

    • tengrain says:

      Thanks, Spocko – your post is great. –TG


      • Spocko says:

        I appreciate it. It takes me a long time to write something so I try and predict where things are going so that when I finish the thing I predicted usually has just happened.
        I do hope that more people on our side keep setting up “elevator conversations”
        but I suspect that we will she a rush of the right doing it and the media covering it so they can have their “both sides” stories.
        We know what the parameters of their complaints will be. They are the victims, it’s not fair, Soros is paying people to pick on me. yada, yada, yada.

        I’m also getting the “let’s be civil” posts from the usual suspects. NPR had a whole hour long story about how divided we are and who we need to come together and heal. And by we, they mean Democrats and by heal they mean not prosecute. I’m going to give them such a nerve pinch when I see them!

        Liked by 4 people

      • tengrain says:

        I always like your long posts, I feel like I learn something new, or see something from a different angle.

        It makes sense that they want to keep the base riled up, so more conspiracy theories. They don’t have any actual accomplishments that improves the lives of the residents of Possum Hollar any better, so instead, tell them that the Left are bastards plotting against them.

        It’s more divide and conquer.




    • osirisopto says:

      The Rapist Jurist should have been their October surprise, but they pulled the trigger too soon. They’re trying to milk it. The smoke is clearing and the knuckle-walkers lives are still miserable, brutish and short. They need some red meat and this is all they’ve got.



    • Kiwiwriter says:

      Good stuff, but you left out the importance of Jade Helm, Area 51, and the eerie Bermuda Triangle.

      Otherwise brilliant.


  3. roket says:

    Obviously, they are tired of winning, the fricking sore winners. yawns


  4. Steve-O says:

    I’m always amazed that Cotton was never fragged by his own troops.


  5. RWW says:

    Well, as a conspiracy theory it fails if it doesn’t mention the omnipotent and omniprescient and omniwealthy George Soros pulling the strings from his hideout in the Swiss Alps.


  6. Pingback: Today in Conspiracy Theories: Tweet, Twit, Twat | Mock Paper Scissors

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