Birds are Jerks
“HEY! I’m squawking at YOU. YOU, with your brains on the outside of yer head. There is a multi-car-semi pileup, EMS, fatalities, just happened down a ways! HEY!! “
Birds have survived since dinosaurs roamed the earth. You don’t last that long by being nice.
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WTF??!! I had to enlarge and look at that photo for a full 10 minutes to determine it’s not a picture of me. The helmet, glasses, jersey, cheesy mustache, and belligerent bird all look like they’re from a cycling trip I took to Australia about 10 years ago. The only difference is that I’m almost sure that all the bird attacks were Australian Magpies rather than whatever that is. I’m still not 100% convinced that I’m not the rider in that picture.
This is a daily occurrence for riders in Australia during the spring. We had one day where we were riding in a pack of about 20, I was taking my turn on the front when one of those little bastard fixated on me. He kept at it for almost a kilometer, repeatedly swooping down over the top of the pack to bite my ears and hands as I tried to swat him away. It was probably only 2 or 3 minutes of abuse, but it seemed like it was a hell of a lot longer. One of my friends sitting at the back of the pack got most of it on film. Pretty funny to watch now, but he drew blood 3 times. The second group of riders were about 10 minutes behind us got the same treatment. In a land of aggressive birds, this bird became an instant legend. These little guys are not only jerks, they’re assholes.
They are kind of cute, though.
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