News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

“It’s Comrade Stupid for you!”
(Stolen from Dr. Zaius)

Hey guys, that emergency text thingie from Comrade Stupid has made Possum Hollar so happy that the crew on the International Space Station can see their boners popping from space! (OK, low Earth orbit, but you get my drift…)

Take it away, Daily Beast:

Phones across the country buzzed Wednesday afternoon for the first national test of FEMA’s presidential-level emergency alert system.

For most people, the test, which resembled a text message, passed with nothing more than a quick glance at their phones and a mocking tweet about it. But believers in the pro-Trump QAnon conspiracy theory, the moment had titanic implications.

Oh?

Believers in QAnon—a conspiracy theory based on a series of internet clues posted by an anonymous character named “Q” that posits a world in which Trump and the military are engaged in ceaseless, secret war with globalist Democratic pedophiles—think the text could mark the start of “The Storm,” a fantastical MAGA dream in which Trump’s political enemies will be arrested and tried at military tribunals.

And they are excited about it?

“That is how we will receive orders if all else fails,” wrote one QAnon believer on the 8Chan internet forum. “We are the next generation Minutemen! Standing by Sir!”

“SO HAPPY!” wrote another. “THANK YOU 45!”

Huh?

According to Travis View, a researcher who has tracked QAnon’s growth, some QAnon believers claimed beforehand that they knew the exact wording the test message would take. Going off a months-old Q post, they claimed that it would be a message from Trump saying, “My fellow Americans, the Storm is upon us.”

When the test message said nothing like that, QAnon believers rallied and claimed it was still proof their theory was real.

“In typical QAnon fashion, the fact that this didn’t happen in this order won’t be a problem in the QAnon world,” View told The Daily Beast.

So even when it didn’t happen the way that they claimed it would happen, it is still proof that whatever the storm is, that it is happening?

How do you ever reason with drooling fuckknuckles like this?

This entry was posted in 4th Reich, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, People Dumber than Dolphins. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. This will be interesting the next time a local weather alert gets sent though the same system, because it’s the same alert system that the NWS uses to send severe weather alerts, and local LEO uses for Amber alerts, etc. “STORM! IT’S THE COMMAND BOYS!!! IT’S WAR!!!”

    With luck they’ll just shoot their own dicks in the excitement getting their pistols out….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. E.A. Blair says:

    1: I am, now more than ever, so glad I stubbornly cling to my landline, which gives me the ability to block even calls like this should they ever apply them to non-cell phone lines.

    2:

    ““That is how we will receive orders if all else fails,” wrote one QAnon believer on the 8Chan internet forum.”

    If QAnon believers didn’t get their orders to breathe, they’d all suffocate (we can but hope).

    Liked by 1 person

  3. 9thousandfeet says:

    It’s on days like this that I’m happy to live 30 miles from the nearest cellphone signal.
    Of course, I’m 30 miles from the nearest grocery store, gas station, post office, beer joint or restaurant too, and that has it’s downsides.
    But today it’s totally worth it.

    Like

  4. MDavis says:

    So is Bush supposed to be part of this Trump Qanon thingy? Cause this seems to have been Bush 43’s idea, as an attempt to recover from the Katrina disaster.
    I heard one of these once. I was in a store and everyone’s cell went off. It was a notice that the 911 system wasn’t working and giving an alternate number.

    Like

  5. MDavis says:

    Where did you get the idea that this group can be reasoned with. This is the same group that contains members who were upset Mary Tyler Moore divorcing that nice Dick Van Dyke and becoming a reporter in Milwaukee. It has members who purchase Soap Opera Digest in order to catch up on the real news.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Bruce388 says:

    As seen on HuffPo: Congratulations to Tiffany Trump on getting her first tweet from her father!

    Like

  7. vonBeavis says:

    This is why America can’t have nice things.

    Like

  8. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    Great, some asshole is going to shoot up a Piggly Wiggly now.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Dennis Cole says:

    Faceboogers are marking themselves “Safe,” following the Prezinentil text. Whew!

    Like

  10. roket says:

    Great. Now all Preznint Stupid needs is a reason to use it.

    Like

Comments are closed.