Happy Hour News Briefs
Hey guys, that emergency text thingie from Comrade Stupid has made Possum Hollar so happy that the crew on the International Space Station can see their boners popping from space! (OK, low Earth orbit, but you get my drift…)
Take it away, Daily Beast:
Phones across the country buzzed Wednesday afternoon for the first national test of FEMA’s presidential-level emergency alert system.
For most people, the test, which resembled a text message, passed with nothing more than a quick glance at their phones and a mocking tweet about it. But believers in the pro-Trump QAnon conspiracy theory, the moment had titanic implications.
Believers in QAnon—a conspiracy theory based on a series of internet clues posted by an anonymous character named “Q” that posits a world in which Trump and the military are engaged in ceaseless, secret war with globalist Democratic pedophiles—think the text could mark the start of “The Storm,” a fantastical MAGA dream in which Trump’s political enemies will be arrested and tried at military tribunals.
And they are excited about it?
“That is how we will receive orders if all else fails,” wrote one QAnon believer on the 8Chan internet forum. “We are the next generation Minutemen! Standing by Sir!”
“SO HAPPY!” wrote another. “THANK YOU 45!”
According to Travis View, a researcher who has tracked QAnon’s growth, some QAnon believers claimed beforehand that they knew the exact wording the test message would take. Going off a months-old Q post, they claimed that it would be a message from Trump saying, “My fellow Americans, the Storm is upon us.”
When the test message said nothing like that, QAnon believers rallied and claimed it was still proof their theory was real.
“In typical QAnon fashion, the fact that this didn’t happen in this order won’t be a problem in the QAnon world,” View told The Daily Beast.
So even when it didn’t happen the way that they claimed it would happen, it is still proof that whatever the storm is, that it is happening?
— DontTreadOnTruth76 (@DeplorableTone) October 3, 2018
How do you ever reason with drooling fuckknuckles like this?