News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

Scissorhead Condi alerts us to the nefarious ways that Ol’ Scratch is committing witchcraft on Saint Comrade of Stupid:

Sweaty Alabama Pastor John A. Kilpatrick sure talks in tongues purty, don’t he?

And in related news, conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin is a surfer, you guys, and in a freak accident over the weekend, well, she lost the tips of two of her fingers.

And we’ll let Lefty Croken herself explain the rest:

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15 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. Might as well listen to a bewitching voice while we laugh at the Crazy Lady

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Karla says:

    OMG I can’t get over those fukkin rubes just uh huh and amen all over the place.
    Dipshits.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Karla says:

    And ole Liz has enough voice fry for a room full of witches. Sheesh.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Osirisopto says:

    She sounds like character in a tarantino flick.

    You’re doing too much Meth, honey. But, at least you’re doing the good shit.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sirius Lunacy says:

    She was surfing between Faux Noise and CBN when the remote slipped from her grasp and fell behind the cushion and between the springs of the sleeper sofa. When she tried to retrieve it… well, there’s your surfing accident. It could have been much worse, but the remotes still okay.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. MDavis says:

    WTF? Didn’t she have three more characters to put “tip” in her tweet? FingerTIPs, Liz, fingerTIPs!
    This is the kind of sloppy thinking that lets her believe that take out food orders = pornography, and this sort of sloppy thinking in her followers is what allows her to lay claim to unearned empathy points. Oh, and also to sell her ridiculous conspiracy bullshit.
    Besides, she doesn’t understand magic.
    FingerTIPs!!!!!

    Like

    • Osirisopto says:

      Next week when the bandages come off she can show how she miraculously regrew two entire fingers proving that she is a favorite of gawd and will put in a good word for you for the low,low price of $99.99, payable in three easy payments of $33.33.

      Like

  7. Steve-O says:

    Still trying to figure out what kind of surfing “accident” causes one to lose their fingertips, and not willing to watch the video and listen to that screeching harpy blather on to find out.

    Like

    • tengrain says:

      It sounded like some sort of accident with the tether wrapping around her fingers and wave yanking the board. Now, why she would have the tether near her hands remains a mystery.

      Rgds,

      TG, the little surfer boy

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    Hillary Clinton turned Liz into a newt. She did not get better, but she is no longer a newt.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. roket says:

    Smiting horndogs and fingertips can also be a sign from God, too.

    Like

  10. Paul Fredine says:

    well, boom shakalaka boom voulez vous avec pastor ‘sweaty’. that’s my tongue-speak for today. as for lizzie, she needs lessons on how to give someone the finger.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. RWW says:

    I watched the clip of the babbling preacher dude and all I could think of is whether he’s going to ask his flock of rubes to come up and dip a cup into a big vat of Flavor-Aid. The Darwin Award participation trophy will have to wait.

    Like

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