Happy Hour News Briefs
Scissorhead Condi alerts us to the nefarious ways that Ol’ Scratch is committing witchcraft on Saint Comrade of Stupid:
Sweaty Alabama Pastor John A. Kilpatrick sure talks in tongues purty, don’t he?
And in related news, conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin is a surfer, you guys, and in a freak accident over the weekend, well, she lost the tips of two of her fingers.
I’m in the ER bc I lost two fingers today in a surfing accident. It could’ve been much worse so I’m trying my best to stay positive. My faith sure is being tested. Prayers appreciated.
— LIZ ThesePeopleRSick (@LizCrokin) August 21, 2018
And we’ll let Lefty Croken herself explain the rest: