Arizona: The Spice Must Flow

The terrible sand people of the terrible sand kingdom of Arizonastan.

Now that Sen. John McCain has parachuted into his great reward, the Republican governor of the Terrible Sand Kingdom of Arizonastan, Doug Ducey, will appoint a new Senator who will serve out the remainder of Grandpa Walnuts’ term until 2020.

This is the nuts-and-bolts of politics, folks, don’t blame me for being so heartless as the Terrible Sand Kingdom mourns the loss of Grandpa Walnuts. The Spice Must Flow. We consulted with the Magic Ouija Board and can see several possibilities:

  1. Gov. Ducey could appoint Rep. Martha McSally (R-AZ), who is running for the retired seat of bloviating, principled, do-nothing Sen. Jeff Flake, thus guaranteeing her a Senate seat.
  2. Gov. Ducey could appoint McCain’s wife, booze heiress Cindy McCain, as a sentimental placeholder.
  3. Gov. Ducey could appoint someone from the congressional delegation from Arizonastan.

Let’s look at these options!

  • If Ducey pulls McSally out of her race, then reprehensible teabagger Kelli Ward or pardoned felon Joe Arpaio becomes the nominee for Flake’s seat. One of those two persons will become the Senator. (“It’s the terrible sand kingdom of Arizonastan, Jake.”)
  • If Ducey picks Cindy “Pills and Booze” McCain, he gets a bit of a wildcard; she is not as conservative as her husband was, and the terrible sand people will not be happy. No word yet on if Cindy wants that curse. Hasn’t she suffered enough?
  • Picking a Representative means that there would be open-seat election in that district in November, in what looks to be a Blue Wave year. So Ducey needs to choose the Representative from the safest, reddest district, who will no doubt be replaced by another fossil, er, caveman Republican.

I’m betting that Ducey goes with option #3, but I do not know enough about the Congressional Representatives from the Sand Kingdom. Looking at the PVI of Arizona, it would be Paul Gosar, who is sitting in the R+21 Arizona District 4 seat.

I will leave the commentary to Scissorhead Bruce The Desert Rat to weigh in with informed opinion.

UPDATE 1: BDR comes through! Some pretty good insight into the Terrible Sand Kingdom.

PS – All the usual suspects in the morning political email thingies are (as predicted) covering Grandpa Walnuts and the hagiography (as predicted) is gag worthy.

This entry was posted in 2018 Pie Fight, Arizonastan, Comrade Preznint Stupid, The Russian Usurper, Crazeee States, Grandpa Walnuts. Bookmark the permalink.

32 Responses to Arizona: The Spice Must Flow

  1. donnah says:

    Kelli “I have no soul” Ward stated petulantly that the McCain family announced the cancellation of John’s cancer treatment in order to derail her bus tour publicity. She really did.

    Soooo, fuck that noise. Anyone voting for her has shit for brains.

    Also, pardon my swears.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. donnah says:

    TG, with this administration, if you don’t swear already, you have to learn. You may recall my story about my dad and the paint-stirring incident. He was a Marine, so I guess that learning to swear is part of Basic Training. I don’t swear that often (or do I?) but the Republicans sure do make it easier.

    Like

    • tengrain says:

      Donnah – Forgot about the paint (thanks for the reminder, I’m grinning like an idiot), though I remember we shared paternal similarities. That said, my Marine Corp. Officer father never swore in my presence other than a “damn” or “hell.” So I never really learned the finer points. I heard my mother say “hell” exactly once, and it was at me, so I had the fear of Jeebus and got dressed for church and was waiting in the station wagon before she even had her handbag.

      Rgds,

      TG

      Like

      • donnah says:

        ha ha! My mom never swears. My dad said she wouldn’t say “shit” if she had a mouthful of it. So we do share common roots, at least in swears!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Jim says:

        My old fashioned parents used swearing euphemisms that we kids thought were hilarious. Cheese and Crackers! = Jesus Christ; horse’s neck = horse’s ass; fudge = f*ck. You get the idea.

        Liked by 1 person

      • tengrain says:

        Jim – it is a rich vein you’ve tapped. — TG

        Like

      • Lulymay says:

        My mother gave Jeebus a middle initial. Whenever she got totally furious with us kids (there were 7 of us!), she’d holler “Jeebus H Ka-riste! what are you heathens up to now?”
        And we were 6 girls and only 1 boy — imagine that.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Son of a Biscuit Eater (SoB), Gravy Trains! (GD) and Sugar Boogers (Sh) were frequent swear substitutes used by the Ubik tribe when I was a youth.

        Liked by 1 person

      • MDavis says:

        Overheard:
        “Got some dandruff! Some of it itches!”

        Liked by 1 person

      • tengrain says:

        Pharmakeus Ubik –

        I have the strange habit, when I hurt myself on some inanimate object of exclaiming, “Sonufa Sea Biscuit!” – could it be related? I don’t think I have anything against the race horse.

        Rgds,

        TG

        Like

    • HarpoSnarx says:

      “HELL and DAMNATION!” and it even sounds righteous.

      Like

  3. Dennis Cole says:

    Speaking of swears, here’s something I overheard on the Interwebz:
    “Thanks to Trump’s presidency, I finally got to hear my 87-yr.-old grandma say ‘Stupid motherfucker.’ ”
    ‘Nuff said.

    Liked by 2 people

    • purplehead says:

      Back in the early to mid-80s I was visitng the folks. Mom and I were in the kitchen, cooking something or another, and talking about Reagan. We both were getting heated and pissed and I, of course, was using appropriate language. And then Mom blurted out, “Fucking Reagan!” I was gleefully shocked. My job was done.

      I had never before heard her say any swears other than the innocuous “damn.” As a matter of fact, I was severely reprimanded, one time, for saying “shit” right to her face, when I was about 12. She would be completely apoplectic now, in the days of Drumphth. If our Dad were still alive, Drumphth would have surely killed him. Probably Mom, too. What a fucking disaster we are in.

      Liked by 1 person

    • diane says:

      Go Grandma! Better late than never.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Paul Gosar? The Demon Dentist of Prescott? Devin Nunes’ butt buddy in whackaloon conspiracy theorizing?

    Oy! I had not thought of that level of rodential intercourse. A Senator Gosar is a scary thought.

    If appointing a current rep is the way Il Deuce goes, I’ll put my Quatloos on Andy Biggs, his district is almost as red, and he was House Speaker when he was in the state lege, and so a solid Company Man. Il Deuce is a bought and paid for Koch asset, so Good Company Men are a plus for them.

    (And Biggs is not quite so crazy as Gosar. He’s not far off, though, he IS a member of the Freedumb Caucus. AZ republicans seem to be a particular kind of crazy these days)

    Maybe Dave Schweikert would get a few Quatloos laid down to hedge my bet, his is the second reddest district. Both of them were briefly in the race to replace Flake until McSally bigfooted in to escape getting her butt kicked in the 2nd District house race. (which is none too appealing as right now the two Dems are hurling supertankers of mud at each other in the primary)

    Appointing McSally won’t necessarily guarantee two R senators, though. Dems are registering new voters at a hot pace. https://tucson.com/news/local/red-state-arizona-sees-surge-this-year-in-democrat-voter/article_08c45d29-fa95-5e6c-bb04-b0a8e6ac6b3c.html

    The Dem running for Flake’s seat is Kyrsten Sinema, who is popular, has won re-election to Congress 3 times, and wouldn’t be running against the relatively sane McSally, but Ward or Arpaio.

    All three have name recognition in AZ, but Ward’s and Arpaio’s are not the good kind. Kyrsten polls very well against either of them, and in a blue wave year that could well be enough for a win in a statewide race; don’t forget, the three largest cities (Flagstaff, Phoenix and Tucson) in the state are pretty solidly blue. Phoenix has a lot of conservatives in the ‘burbs, but those are just the kind of voters who are getting turned off by Trump.

    So appointing McSally could end up splitting the state’s Senate seats…I’d take that.

    Liked by 1 person

    • tengrain says:

      I knew BDR would have sumpin’ to say that would be smarter than me sitting in Cascadia pontificating about the Terrible Sand Kingdom prospects.

      Rgds,

      TG

      Like

      • Jim says:

        I think you forgot Option # 4: there is no constitutional reason that Il Deuce couldn’t appoint himself as senator. I don’t know if he would be interested in the position but it’s always possible if he, say, is an egotistical windbag.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Osirisopto says:

      Is Gosar a Gosarian?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. MJG says:

    Option 5 – Meghan McCain. Sorry for that chill down your back.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. mellowjohn says:

    he could always contact my former gov Blago about the best ways to fill a vacant senate seat.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Paul Avery says:

    If Ducey has any sense of humor, he would appoint Sarah Palin.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.