Secret Pecker Power!

Trump Loses Control of Pecker, cont.

“Did someone say, ‘Safe’?” –¡Geraldo!

The Associated Press reports that David Pecker and the Enquirer locked documents on hush money payments and documents relating to damaging stories in a safe; you know, the kind that assorted Warner Brothers characters would try to crack, usually with the help of various ACME products.

“Five people familiar with the National Enquirer’s parent company, American Media Inc., who spoke to the AP on the condition of anonymity because they signed non-disclosure agreements, said the safe was a great source of power for Pecker.”

“Hey boss,” ¡Geraldo! didn’t say, “gimme an hour-long special!”

I digress.

Comrade Stupid has had extramarital affairs with (at least) two women: pornstar Stormy Daniels and Playmate Karen McDougal. During the 2016 Goat Rodeo, he wanted to ensure that both affairs remained unknown.

Daniels got a contract/NDA that paid $130K Ameros for her silence. Michael Cohen said under oath that the contract was to help Trump win the election, which makes it an illegal campaign contribution.

McDougal’s silence was paid for by the National Enquirer’s parent company, AMI. They bought the rights to her story for $150K Ameros and they may have sold them to Candidate Stupid. If Candidate Stupid did buy the rights to the story from AMI, that would mean Candidate Stupid made an illegal campaign contribution.

And this solves the mystery: Pecker was granted immunity because he faced charges of a criminal conspiracy to violate campaign finance laws.

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5 Responses to Secret Pecker Power!

  1. YellowDog says:

    Given his turnabout on Trump generally and his buddy Sessions specifically, I assume that safe has multiple drawers dedicated to Lindsay Graham.


  2. Dennis Cole says:

    Doncha just hate it when your pecker leaks?


  3. roket says:

    I assume the safe will be the most prominent feature of Trump’s Preznintial Lieberry.


  4. the pecker jokes are really gonna liven up the weekend…..


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