News That Will Drive You To Drink

Happy Hour News Briefs

As you may recall, our long-time pal and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones told us that the Second Civil Was starts on July 4:

…which gave many of us an excuse to exercise our, um, talents, in assorted hashtags on the Twitters

Well, I guess we went too far. Someone call a waaaaaahmbulance for Alex Jones:

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9 Responses to News That Will Drive You To Drink

  1. another kiwi says:

    That thing that I said was actually that other thing that I said after the first thing didn’t happen! Now, if you’ll excuse me these rubes won’t fleece themselves you know.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Karla says:

    What the fuck was he talking about with ICE people’s houses getting burned down, and bricks thrown through windows, and Barron being kidnapped … I missed when all that happened. And I swear, I’ve been conscious most days!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Big Bad Bald Bastard says:

    Not a bad civil war when James Woods is the only casualty.

    Like

  4. AuroraS says:

    Did it stick out to anybody that he didn’t even know how the American Civil War started? Was he absent that day in 5th grade? You could bullshit the “whys” about the attack on Fort Sumter six ways from Sunday to make it appeal to the neoconfederates that listen to your show, but the event that kicked off the war is not considered debatable by anybody. He didn’t even attempt to sound like he knew what the fuck he was talking about in the slightest.

    Like

    • Sirius Lunacy says:

      Yes, he was absent that day in 5th grade. And coincidentally he was absent that day over his each of the next three years that he spent in the 5th grade.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. MDavis says:

    Every time I have seen this story (thrice, so far) I think of all the calls for the Democrats to be Civil.
    “Dear Ma and Pa,
    The Red Hats began their attack, but we were able to fend most of them off with a shot of ‘Crybabies!” Those that remain were handily routed with further cries of “Shame! Shame on you!” One or two still remained, calling for mercy from behind the shrubberies, but these final remnants we defeated with subpoenas, which they declared to be the most uncivil blow of all.
    We hope to be home in time for All Soul’s Day.
    Your loving offspring”

    Like

  6. Rev. Teddy-Bob Silas says:

    At least he wasn’t texting while driving.

    Liked by 1 person

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